My birthday is July 2nd, and what better gift could I give to myself that to reach this goal that’s nearing two years in the making? So from now until then, I’ll be giving Sunday updates/weekend wrap-ups on my progress called Birthday Gift Goal Updates.
In what seems to be a recurring theme with this post, I don’t have a weigh in to share this week. I checked in on the scale throughout the week, and it was still holding steady.
But this week really wasn’t about that. I have lots of NSVs this week, all in the form of workouts. I worked out “every damn day,” only taking one day off. I felt good about myself with each sweatyface photo I posted on FB.
The highlight of the week was something I’d been looking forward to for a few weeks – BeautyJunkie824‘s Goal Weight Celebration. I thought her idea of hosting a hike in Muir Woods to celebrate getting to her goal weight was ingenious. But if I’m honest, I have to admit that I was completely nervous and anxious about whether or not I’d be able to keep up. From everything I’d read online, the paths in Muir Woods were challenging and steep. I hated the thought of making people wait for me. Or that I wouldn’t be able to keep up. But I pushed through my nerves and rsvp’d “yes” because I love BeautyJunkie824, I’m so proud of her for reaching her goal, I’d never been to Muir Woods, and I wanted to challenge myself.
So I left the house at 7:45am yesterday and headed up through San Francisco, across the Golden Gate Bridge, and into Mill Valley, where Muir Woods is located. Even though I’ve seen the GG Bridge in person more times than I can count, I always get goosebumps when I see it. There was absolutely no traffic on my way up through SF, and I got to Muir Woods in 1.5 hours. The ride up to Muir Woods was really, really curvy, so I’m really glad that I decided to drive myself. I can get carsick, and that windy road would have been enough to do it. I arrived early, so I took a few minutes to take in the scenery and snap some photos.
This creek runs throughout different areas of Muir Woods, and this view was on the way from the overflow parking lot to the Visitor’s Center. It really made me excited for all that I was about to see.
Soon enough BeautyJunkie824 and her friends arrived and we were on our way on the hike. The beginning was nice and slow as we stayed on the “boardwalk” path and took in all of the sites in the Cathedral Grove. This is the pathway that most of the tourists and families take – it’s fairly flat, wide, and easy to navigate. There are several smaller “loops” that feed off of the boardwalk, and we were heading to the Ben Johnson Trail.
The redwoods are just so majestic. Awe-inspiring.
We walked this way for some time, and then we hit the area that I had been dreading – the part where it began an incline. The guidebook said the incline was gradual, but for someone who is 150 lbs overweight, it was anything but. My heart starting really beating and my breath became really shallow. But I pushed myself because I wanted to make it to the destination – Stinson Beach.
This was the log that we had to cross to make our way up the trail. It was about a story off the ground, which didn’t bother me, because I’m not afraid of heights.
You can’t tell it from the angle of this photo, but each of those are fairly steep steps that we had to walk up.
I kept climbing and climbing, even though my heart was pounding and I couldn’t get my breath. The steps were really hard to climb because they were so steep. BeautyJunkie824′s mom was so sweet and stayed behind with me because she said she needed to rest, too, but I knew it was because she didn’t want to leave me alone. At one point I told her I didn’t think I could continue, but she told me that she knew that I could, and that I’d feel so good when we got to top and then had nothing but a downhill descent to look forward to. As much as I tried, I finally realized that I’d gone as far as I was going to. I was gasping for air and my heart was beating so fast that I was feeling sick, and overwhelmed, and panicky. And my foot was starting to go numb, which was really scary, considering that the ground wasn’t even, but really bumpy and unsure.
With tears in my eyes I told BeautyJunkie824′s mom that I didn’t think I could make it. She said that she had worried that I might not be able to, and that she was so sorry for pushing me. I told her that I appreciated her push, because sometimes I needed it, but at this point I had to listen to my body, and that this was where I had to turn back. She called BeautyJunkie824 over, and that’s when I really started to cry. I stammered out that I was so sorry for holding them all back, that I was so disappointed in myself, and that I didn’t want to ruin what was supposed to be a celebration. She was great and hugged me and comforted me and told me that she was so proud of what I HAD accomplished, and I should be to. I heard what she was saying, but still felt a terrible sense of discouragement. I’d wanted so badly to go with them and see everything, but once again my body wasn’t going to allow me. It’s hard to describe just how gut-wrenching this was to me; I felt like a complete failure.
#pinklaces. I took this to show how steep the steps were, but again, I don’t think this gives shows it. Even on the way back, going downhill, I had to be really careful to avoid falling.
Yet, as I walked back to my car by myself (they had offered to see me back to the Cathedral Grove, but I just wanted to be alone), I took some time to realize how much I really had done. I’d hiked my way through a really steep section of Muir Woods, and even though I hadn’t gone as far as I’d hoped, it was something that I could build on. It was now a baseline that I could push past, that I could overcome.
I walked/hiked for over two hours, burned 1260 calories, and had seen sites that I’d never experienced before. I tried something far outside my comfort zone, even though I had major doubts and reservations. I pushed myself and I tried, and that counts for something. Plus, I found this hidden gem right in my own backyard that I plan to visit again and again this summer. And after I’ve lost some significant weight, let’s say 50 lbs or so, I plan to try this same path again to see how much farther I can go. And I’ll keep trying, until I can make it all the way to Stinson Beach.
So this week was successful for me, no matter what the scale shows or how much of a path that I left untraveled. Because I am showing myself, through actions and not just words, that I am serious in my pursuit of my first major goal. It’s only a matter of WHEN, not IF.
I came to the woods because I wished to live deliberately and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” ~~ Henry DavidThoreau, from Walden
You did awesome Bella, and you should be proud! When I get down about how little I feel I can do at this weight, I try to think of the future feeling I will have when I look back and see how far I’ve come. You’re doing great!
Sometimes in the middle of the moment, it’s difficult to remember that “future self,” but you’re absolutely right.
You should be really proud of yourself. Well done.
Thank you!
Aw Bella, this post made me so sad for how you must have felt initially, but so glad that you realized it’s something you’ll do with your hard work — just not maybe quite as soon this weekend as you wanted.
I’d suggest, don’t wait too long to go back. Maybe you don’t even have to wait for 50 pounds — you could try going alone (or with just one friend rather than a group), so that you’d be more comfortable taking long stops sometimes (to let your heart rate get completely back to normal).
I can’t wait to hear about it when you make it there. And just for the record, as someone who has frequently taken pictures hoping they’d capture the “stepth” (my word for steepness/grade), I can absolutely see from the pic looking straight ahead that those stairs are going up, up, up! And I’ve heard of the Double Dipsea race at Stinson Beach (oldest race in the country I think?), and I know how hard that course is, so I’m sure your hike was similar in terms of ascent.
Way to go for attempting it, and pushing yourself, and setting a new goal. Sending you a hug from Dallas!
Aww, thank you so much for this comment. It really means so much to me!!
I love the idea of going with just one or two friends who will be ok with going slowly and/or fully stopping continuously throughout the hike. Muir Woods is remote enough that I probably wouldn’t want to hike it on my own without someone else there in case I get hurt. There are lots of friends who would be happy to go with me, I’m sure. Great suggestion.
That’s a great present to yourself! Good luck, you can do it!
Like everyone else said, you should be so proud of what you DID accomplish. Soon enough you’ll be flying up the mountain. Something to work towards anyways. You did an amazing job of pushing yourself and then knowing what your true limits are.
My toes go numb on the ellipitcal after about 25 minutes or so, its a common problem on the elliptical. Some of toe or foot numbness has to do with shoe fit. Have you gone in to be fitted at a running store for shoes? I know that this used to be a big problem for you way back in the day, but wasnt sure if between now and then you’d been fitted. There’s also a bunch of different ways to tie your laces that can help to resolve the numbing foot/toe issues if its an issue with shoe fit rather than a nerve problem in your foot.
It’s not the shoes because I’ve been getting fitted for walking shoes ever since I had the initial problem when I attempted to do Team in Training several years ago. While they weren’t able to exactly pinpoint the problem, they did an ultrasound on my legs and determined that it was an issue with blood flow through the veins. There’s a fancy name for it, but I can’t remember it now. The doctor at that time basically said that it will improve as I lose weight, but that I have to be careful not to push myself too hard and concentrate on easier paces and non-impact sports. The funny thing is, I never get numb with the elliptical machine!!
As always, I really appreciate your comment.
This is going to be one of your most precious memories. You took yourself right out of your comfort zone. You experienced the out-doors in a new way. You went as far as you dared with your current fitness. You can mark it as a major milestone to improved health.
I look forward to hearing about your next hike on this beautiful trail so don’t wait too long to do it again.
You like a degree of structure in your life. Why not plan a monthly date with yourself to do this trail. I think you’ll be surprised as your progress marks your improving fitness levels.
Blessings Courageous One.
Very well put.
Thank you so much for this really thoughtful comment. You’re right, I do like structure in my life, and I think going on this trail at least once a month is a great idea. I’ll have lots of time to do it during the summer.
I’m in tears right now because i know exactly how you were feeling. You really did AMAZING yesterday! I knew you stepped out of your comfort zone and that was a HUGE step. I am so greatful that I was able to have you there. And so proud of you! Btw- my mom really did need to go slow with you, actually she & Brenda ended up going at the same pace all the way and I could see the daggers in their eyes lol!
When you make up that mountain side next, you know I’ll be right there with you!
I know you will be! I definitely want you there.
I was thinking on my way back that I was a really solid example of just how far you’d come. Although I weigh 60 lbs more than you did at your highest weight, you’ve come so far (over 100 lbs!!!) from where you started. The fact that you were leading the group and able to accomplish this feat with ease really demonstrates that.
Bella this post brought tears to my eyes. I could feel how emotional it must have been for you when you turned back. So many people never even try. In my book trying counts for everything. You did so much more than most people could have or would have done and for that you should be proud. I have no doubt that you will conquer that hike and eventually make your way to Stinson Beach. That is one intensely steep hike from the photos and description of it.
I agree with the others that you shouldn’t wait to return or to hike again. It will only help to build up your endurance if you continue doing it each week or month. Hiking is such a fun way to exercise while exploring and enjoying the beauty of nature.
I am so inspired by your motivation and drive. I love your attitude throughout this post. One step at a time…you will get there.
Thank you. Your response definitely brought tears to my eyes. After reading everyone’s comments, including yours, I have decided that I will definitely go to Muir Woods again. Maybe not on that exact trail, but I need to keep pushing myself in order to move forward.
What a touching post. I’m proud of you Bella! I can’t count how many times I just didn’t participate in something because I thought I couldn’t do it or I might be uncomfortable. You’re brave and determined and inspiring!
Wow, thank you so much for saying all those nice things!