Let me start this off by saying that in general, I try to conduct myself as a really upbeat, positive person.  I’m consider myself to be very optimistic, yet realistic.  I enjoy looking at the brighter side of life whenever possible.

Today is not one of those days.

I’ve been struggling for a few days, well really, for a week or two.  My weight stalled, and that frustrated me.  Although I knew exactly why my weight wasn’t moving.  I started eating more than I know I should, although I wasn’t logging all of the extras in MyFitnessPal. Who do I think I’m hiding that information from?  No one that I’m friends with on MFP would judge me; they might encourage me to make better choices, but there’s no need to feel ashamed.  Yet  I do.  So instead of being honest and credible, I go to my natural response, which is to hide my mistakes and lie.  To myself most of all.

I get really frustrated with myself for sticking with it for 2-3 weeks and then having something happen and going off the plan.  It’s a bad cycle with me, and before you suggest just how much I’d benefit from therapy, let me say that I am not ready for that at this point.  I should go, I know, but I’m not going to. At least not now.  You don’t have to agree with that, but it is the way that it is.  I hope that some point later I will return to therapy, but for now, it’s not something I want to do.

But what I do have to face is figuring out another way to cope with stresses and frustrations.  When I used to smoke I’d use that as my coping mechanism.  But now that I’m not smoking, I have used food for that even more than I did before.  Smoking allowed me to have “something to look forward to” as sick as that sounds.  I was able to have more willpower with a strict diet because I could smoke when I was stressed, upset, sad, bored, etc.  Now I fill in those spaces with food.

The key to all of this may be looking at why I have such strong reactions to seemingly inconsequential things.  It’s partly  because of my perfectionism and control issues.  I want things to go well, and when they don’t I react, and that causes those around me to react back, and then I get hurt, frustrated, and upset.  At work and in my home life.  And it’s not a good place to be.  I’ve been feeling like I want to reset myself and become someone who doesn’t have to have the snappy comeback or complete control of every situation.  I want to be able to let people do things in a way that I don’t think is the best.  To let those around me make mistakes and figure things out and for me to know that I am not responsible for everything going smoothly all the time.

Much of that is more than I can probably figure out on my own, but for now, I need to work on what I can and change in small ways as much as possible.  It will take biting my tongue more often, and maybe little by little, I can improve.

I need to put my focus on accomplishing the goal at hand – those 20/25 pounds. I  need to get my mind set that getting to my goal is more important the the taste of any food.  The key is really in staying busy so that I don’t think of food.  And looking at exercise as a way to cope with stress/frustration instead of eating emotionally.  It’s about finding the willpower I used to have.  It’s about changing my life.

Because the alternative – staying this way forever – makes me sadder than I can describe.

Last week I went to my first hot “tapas” yoga class there, and tonight I attended my second, so I thought I’d write about my findings.  The class isn’t called Bikram because in order to be designated a Bikram class, the instructor/style has to follow the method developed by Bikram Choudhury – “a set series of 26 yoga poses, including two pranayama exercises, each of which is performed twice in a single 90 minute class.” ( source: http://yoga.about.com/od/bikramyogahotyoga/a/bikram.htm)

I’ve taken Bikram at YogaSource many times with many different teachers and enjoyed the predictability of the class.  It’s always the same 26 poses, done twice.  The first time held longer than the second.  Bikram is very athletic – you’re striving to hold the pose, reach deeper, or wrap stronger.  I know that if I attended that class on a regular basis, I would get inspired by my progress with each pose.  Since it’s always the same exact ones in the same order, my improvement would be measurable. As it is right now, I can get into some of the poses, but many of them require me to significantly modify the original pose.  Which I’m fine with, because I know I’ve worked to the best of my ability.  Even as a sporadic student, I always leave the class feeling accomplished.

With hot yoga, it’s just that – yoga poses done in a heated room.  The class that I attend on Tuesday nights is very relaxing and therapeutic, just as you’d expect a yoga class to be.  The teacher, Joan, is so supportive, encouraging, and gentle.  She reminds us constantly throughout the class that whatever we can do is where we should take our practice.  Very non-competitive.  I leave feeling better about myself.

I’m planning on taking the Thursday night hot yoga class this week, which has an entirely different teacher, and it will be interesting to see if/how that experience compares.

Both classes help the body release built-up toxins, though sweating.  I walk out of each studio feeling as if I’m floating – like I’ve just risen from a sauna or steam room.  The benefits of both Bikram and hot yoga are clear:

Practiced regularly, this deep body cleansing practice will give you better circulation, a stronger immune system and higher energy levels.”

At this point, I can’t really say that I like one practice over the other.  Each has their place in my heart for different reasons.  My competitive side likes the challenge of Bikram, while the side of me that needs encouragement and soothing loves the hot tapas yoga.  In both, I love the feeling I have as I’m driving home – one of complete contentment, relaxation, and calm.

Plus, you really can’t beat the calorie burn with heated yoga – look it up on any calorie calculator and you’ll be amazed.  I burn well over 1000 calories (1156 in a 75 minute class, 1387 in a 90 minute class) each time.  Of course individual results vary, depending on how much you weigh, but no matter what, the burn you can achieve doing something this good for your body and mind is remarkable.

I highly recommend trying some form of hot yoga – if I can attempt it, you can, and should, too.

Now it’s time for Friend Makin’ Monday (FMM).

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Short Answers

1. Mac or PC? Mac all the way.  Although I have to use PCs at work.
2. Do you paint your own nails? Not usually because I’m bad at it.  I’d like to start getting gel manicures, though.
3. Beach or mountains?  Beach!!  I’m spoiled because I have great beaches near me, but I’d love to take a Hawaiian vacation in the next year or two.
4. What’s the title of the book you’re currently reading?  The Life You’ve Imagined by Kristina Riggle.  ScaleWarfare and I are reading it together.  I’m almost finished with it, and I really love the character development.  Next I’ll read Hunger Games.
5. Do you dance?  I love to dance!  Sometimes when I’m at home and I have the music on, I’ll just start dancing by myself, despite the quizzical looks my dog, Sofi, gives me.
6. CNN or Fox News?  If I had to choose between those two, CNN.  I prefer my local news and then the NY Times or Huffington Post.
7. Do you ride a bicycle?  Yes, I have a beach cruiser which I love.
8. Do you get a yearly flu shot?  Yes.  Since I work with teenagers, I’ve found that the flu shot really helps me stave off illness.
9. Best movie you’ve seen in 2012?  I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t seen a movie yet this year.  There are several good ones that are on my “must see” list, including The Descendants, The Artist, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (read the book and loved it), and Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (although I may wait on this one).   In fact, I just emailed a few of my friends to see if anyone wants to join me this weekend.  I’m going to go on Sunday afternoon even if I go by myself.
10. Do you prefer to workout at home or at the gym?  It really depends on the weather.  In general, I like the gym because I can concentrate and there’s a good energy there.  But if I’m not feeling like going out, I have lots of DVD options at my house, so there are no excuses.
11. Last airport you were in?  Hmmm…I have to think for a minute, it’s been a LONG time…wow, I just checked my iCal and the last flight I took was in August 2008 for my friend’s wedding in Connecticut.  I went to Boston, as well.  That is just ridiculous.  But I haven’t had lots of extra money for traveling these last few years so….this year that will change with the Vegas trip SW and I have planned.
12. Married or single?  Single
13. iPhone or Android? iPhone
14. Do you prefer to be in pictures or taking pictures?  We had this question last week.  I like do to both.  I love being in situations where my photo would be taken – out with friends or at family functions, but taking photos is really fun, too.
15. Favorite brand of sneakers?  I have Reebok Flex right now, but I love Asics, too.
16. Do you like snow?  I’ve only been in the snow very briefly one time.  Hey, I’m from California, what can I say?
17. Do you have/want to have kids?  No.
18. Summer or Winter? I like every season as we’re having it.  I enjoy being inside on a cold, rainy day, but I also love the sunny days of summer because I can be outside and more active.
19. Do you know how to swim?  Yep.  It’s one of my favorite activities.
20. Do you prefer to shop in store or online?  I’ve been tending to shop online much more often these past few years – it’s easy and I don’t have to fight for a parking spot at the mall.  But as I lose weight and start wearing smaller sizes, I know I’ll need to go to the store to try the clothes on.  And I know I won’t mind that one little bit.

Now it’s your turn…

And then Eddie D. had to give up the 49ers because of some shady connections and his brother-in-law took over the ownership and things when down hill. Fast. The Yorks treated the franchise like a business and we suffered. Years, shit, a decade and a half of nothing. We became a laughing stock, an “easy win.” It was a travesty.

And then one of the younger Yorks started listening to his Uncle Eddie and things started improving. We had several rebuilding years, and then came Jim Harbaugh and things really started turning around. His competitiveness and passion were just what we needed. And now Alex Smith, the quarterback that sportscasters and “fans” once laughed at, is going to lead the team to a victory in a second-round playoff game, under Harbaugh’s guidance.

Ahhhh, it’s even sweeter because I’ve been there throughout the good times and the bad. No fairweather fandom for me – once I’m your fan, I’m your fan for life. Loyalty. I know no other way. It’s in my DNA.

I can’t wait until 3:30, or should I say, I can’t wait until 7:30 or 8pm when the game is over, after we

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update: Well, we played a tough game and went to overtime, but in the end, we lost to 17 to 20 to the Giants.  Still, it was an amazing season.  And just like in years past, I know I’ll be rooting for the 9ers for life.  Now they just need to work on their passing game in the off season.  Guess I have more reason than ever to root for the Pats.

I love rainy days when I can be inside with a nice cup of coffee reading, relaxing, and spending time unwinding. There’s something very serene about the rain. Listening to its patter against the rooftops and windowsills calms me. And the smell of the air outside after a big storm is so fresh and clean and alive with possibility. I’m not from Seattle, but I can appreciate a good rainstorm.

This winter has been one of the driest on record in my area, but as of Thursday afternoon, we’re in the midst of several storm systems that will have the rain pouring down for the foreseeable future. Well, until Sunday, but still, that’s several days of much-needed rain.

With all of that said, this week’s Goal Style was inspired by the rain. This is a little collection I put together to show the types of things I can see myself wearing on a rainy day when I’m at my goal weight. I’m proud of it because I found all of the items on my own, outside of Polyvore. One of the things I discovered is that I need to start figuring out some cool, funky places to find clothes. I was surprised that the stores I thought would be faves (Ann Taylor Loft, Anthropologie, Nordstrom, etc) really didn’t have things that thrilled me. This quest is going to be fun! Please let me know your “goal stores” in the comments.

I built this outfit around the slicker – I love the patent red because it makes a bold statement, but serves a purpose. And the polka dot rainboots? Love. I have a Marimekko umbrella and love it, although mine is a bold, floral pattern that I bought at Crate and Barrel years ago, but I thought this one echoed the polka dots of the boots and the block color of the jacket really well. The top and jeans are more of a blank canvas, although I have heard that those AE jeans do really nice things to a girl’s backside. And the necklace reminded me of a raindrop, which is why I chose it; I think it’s the perfect little something to set the outfit off. The quote is by John Updike. What do you think of my first Goal Style outfit? Would you wear it?

Check out these two photos:

Taken 9.17.11

Taken today, 1.17.12

Now granted, my hair was down in the first photo, and that one is shot at a much closer angle than the second one, but do you notice any difference?

Seeing things like this just helps me feel like all this hard work and dedication (thanks for the tagline, Dolvett) is worth it.  The scale hasn’t moved that much in the last 4 months, but I’m definitely working out a lot more than I was then.  Maybe I’m losing some inches?  Or maybe the whole thing is in my head.  Either way, I think I’m feeling better than I was then, and that’s spilling over into all aspects of my life, even with my eyesight in photos. .

This first set was inspired by all things 50s. I absolutely love the silhouettes of that time, and I know that I’m going to infuse a lot of those elements into my style, once I can shop anywhere I want to. To me Marilyn is the perfect icon for that era, and so she became a bit of an inspiration in the looks I chose. I love the black and white polka dot dress, but since that could be a bit “costumey,” I found that White House Black Market mini polka dot dress as a way to incorporate the same esthetic into an everyday look. The shoes are fun and flirty. I gave the flats or slingbacks option because I’d wear either, depending on my mood. I absolutely loved the bag, and then I found out that it’s Gucci. Champagne tastes, I guess. I just love it’s shape.

The template I chose had the text already on it, and looking at it now, I wish I would’ve gone with a cleaner style, but since it’s my first stab at Polyvore, I don’t think it’s too bad. All of the items I used were already on Polyvore, but they do have a feature where you can clip items from other sites to use in your set. I can see hours of fun looking around the web for different outfits.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Taken in San Fran, on one of the many famous hills.

Beneath the photo they asked “what steps will you take today?”

I’m taking steps each and every day to get to my goals, large and small.  I’m pushing past the doubt, past the sore muscles, past that lazy side of me who would rather stay in than be out and active.  I’m releasing all of my fears of the unknown and putting faith in myself.  And with each new step, a better me is revealed.

I went to yoga the last three days, and I’m really liking it.  I can’t do many (most) of the poses that other people can, but instead of getting discouraged by that, I’m using it as motivation.  Later, when I can get into those poses, I’ll know just how far I’ve come.  The one thing I’m noticing is that the scale hasn’t been moving one way or the other, so yoga alone isn’t enough of a calorie burn for me.  Bikram yoga burns TONS of calories, but I haven’t done that yet this week.  So I’ve decided that on the days when I’m doing yoga (other than hot yoga), I’m also going to walk the dog (which I have been) and incorporate a workout DVD into the mix.  Those DVDs are quick – 15-20 minutes – but they absolutely get my heart rate up.  And I can find an extra 15-20 minutes a day.

But it’s Monday, and it’s time for Friend Makin’ Monday (FMM).

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Weight Loss Tips

Kenlie asked us to give some of the tips that work for us on this weight loss journey.  I’ve definitely been doing this long enough, with enough trials and errors, to write a whole book about what ÑOT to do with weight loss.  But I’ve also picked up some things that work for me along the way, too.

• Eat low(er) carb.  Don’t completely eliminate carbs, because your body needs them, but cut down on the carbs found in bread, rice, pasta, etc.  Leave those as once in a while treats, and incorporate more veggies and beans as your main source of carbs.
• Amp up the protein.  All protein is difficult on your digestive system, but having plenty of protein in the diet really does make a difference in your energy level.  Plus, they keep you fuller longer, so you get a lot of bang for your caloric buck.  I make sure to have protein at every single meal – even snacks.
• Limit snacking/grazing.  I know there are different schools of thought on this, but for me, I need to keep my snacks to a minimum.  I have one snack after school around 3:30-4pm and then I do have something after dinner, although I’m trying to cut down on the after dinner snack.
• Figure out for yourself how many calories you need to eat.  When I was on WW, I got a lot of points because I weigh(ed) a lot.  It always felt like I was eating too much food, and I never saw the scale move.  Then when I switched to counting calories instead of Points, I started losing.  I started out eating 1400 calories, but have since dropped it to around 1200.  I’m following the doctor’s recommendations for pre-op.  So while 1200 might be too low for some people, it seems to work well for me.
• Log your food!  I love MyFitnessPal because it seems to have every food known to man in its database, and it has a great community/support aspect.  But maybe you want to take photos and post them.  Or you prefer old school pen and paper.  No matter what you use, make sure you’re keeping track of every bite.  You won’t be sorry you took the extra 10 minutes out of your day, and you’re guaranteed to be more successful.
• Drink more water.  No matter how much water you’re drinking, drink one more glass. Water helps your body function properly, from your tip to toes, and I’ve noticed that my skin looks much healthier now that I’ve been drinking a lot more water.  Water helps to flush out everything – including the pounds.  I always lose more consistently when I’m getting lots of water in.  I drink 4-5 glasses during the day (because I have limited access to bathroom breaks at work), drink another 4 throughout/after my workouts, and then another 4-6 glasses with dinner and after dinner.  I started drinking herbal tea after dinner (in an effort to curb my after dinner snacking), and it’s really helped me add more water into my daily intake.
• Keep exercise fun and varied.  This is a must for me.  I know some people are diehards when it comes to exercise, and like to do one main form, but I’ve never been that way.  I like to try lots of new things all the time; maybe I have fitness ADHD?  Either way, I love the variety I get from trying lots of different DVDs, classes, gym equipment, walking, and now yoga classes.  The more the better, as far as I’m concerned. That’s why I love the summer so much, because I can also incorporate more outdoor activities, likes swimming and riding my beach cruiser.  By varying my workouts, I think of exercise like recess – as something I GET to do, rather than something I HAVE to do.  And it’s been working.
• Weigh often.  I just wrote about this last week, but for me personally, I need the accountability of daily weigh-ins.  That way every day is the day before weigh-in day and it eliminates cheat days.  It sets this up as a lifestyle, not something that I’m “on” or “off.”  I know for some people this could become a scale obsession, but for me, it is a must.  It helps me notice trends in my body, keeps me on track, and lets me know how I’m doing.

So those are my weight loss tips.  Nothing groundbreaking or completely new, but the tried and true basics work.  Eat less, move more, drink lots of water, log your food, and check in often.  Simple steps to lead to success.

Now it’s your turn…

Last week when I went to Bikram, I sweated a lot. I mean, my legs, arms, back, and everywhere else was sweating, which is unusual for me.  It was a great way to release toxins, but it wasn’t so great on my yoga mat. Stinky!!

I used some Clorox wipes to clean it up a bit, I knew there had to be a better way.

And then I went on Amazon (where I purchased all of these yoga essentials, actually), and found Manduka yoga mat spray.

I got it in the lavender scent, because I thought that sounded tranquil.

Next up was something that I’d been wanting to purchase for a really long time, but wasn’t sure it was a good use of money.  But after the stinky yoga mat incident, I knew it was necessary.

Today when I went to Yoga Basics, I asked the girl next to me who had the Yogitoes skidless towel whether she thought it was worth it, and she said absolutely.  She said that even though they’re ridiculously expensive, the grip and the way that they hold up in the wash made them worth the money.

I liked this one because I have an orange Gaiam mat that my sister bought me years ago, and I thought it would coordinate well.

And then I decided that I should probably get a second mat, too.  That way, I can make sure the mats are always “fresh.”  This one was only $16.99 and is supposed to be extra thick.  I got the dark purple color, because I thought it would coordinate with the towel.

I always keep a yoga mat in my car, but I like the idea of having a second one that I can use at home for some of the floor work that the workout DVDs I’ve been doing have.  Plus, if a friend is ever interested in trying yoga with me and doesn’t have a mat, I  can let her borrow one of mine.

Next up is something that I wrote about quite a while ago, the AdoraOm plus-sized yoga/workout clothing line.  I was so disappointed when I couldn’t go to their luncheon in L.A. because I’d been wanting to check out their clothes first-hand.  Their prices are fairly expensive, but the clothing is getting rave reviews from everyone who tries it, and I think their items are the type of high-quality clothes that will hold up well.  People spend crazy money on Lululemon, so why not spend a bit on the plus-sized version?  So I decided to treat myself to two of their tops because I don’t have any sort of performance activewear, and I have a feeling that it really does make a difference.

This is the My Game Face top ($67).  I got it in gray and charcoal because I thought it was the most versatile.  (And the turquoise color I’d wanted was out of stock in my size).  These tops are popular!  I bought it in a size smaller than I wear in my shirts because I wanted it to be a bit tighter. Plus, as I lose weight, I want it to fit me.  I don’t mind it being a bit snug now if it means that I can get more wear out of it later.

This one is called My Funky Tank ($79) and I love it!  Again, I wanted it in turquoise, but they were out of stock, and this color is fine.  A neutral that will go with everything. This top has a bit of a built-in bra, so I’m thinking it will be great for me to wear along with a sports bra for higher impact activities, like Zumba or kickboxing.

I know I spent a lot of money – thank goodness for that Amazon card I got!  But these are investments in something that I love to do, and since they last a long time, I think it’s worth it.  Plus, I’m a lot less likely to skip out on a workout/yoga class when I know that I’ve spent this much on all of the gear.  And since I’m someone who wants to look as good as I possibly can, even when I’m working out, knowing that this stuff will help me perform better as I look better really boosts my confidence.  And that’s priceless.