FMM: All the Single Ladies

Happy Monday, Everyone! I almost skipped today’s FMM because of the subject, but then I decided that it was time to stop avoiding the whole issue of dating, as I’ve been doing for the last couple of years.  This one definitely challenged me, which is good to do every now and then, right?

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: All The Single Ladies (and Gents)

1. What is your current relationship status?  Are you happy with that status?  Single.  I’ve been single for so long that sometimes I do wonder if I’m meant to meet “the one,” or even “the maybe.”  For the last few years I’ve put dating on the extreme back burner in pursuit of my goals, especially weight loss goals.  Still, even though it’s been my choice not to date, I’m not sure how many interested parties I’d find if I was “out there.”

2. Do you find it enjoyable to take care of someone in addition to yourself, or do you prefer to be responsible only for yourself? In the past I’ve chosen people who needed someone to care for them – more than what was healthy.  It’s one of the things I’m working on with my therapist – how to allow myself to find someone who doesn’t need me to be in control.  To be ok with compromise, etc.  So, I’d like to answer, that yes, I’d prefer to be responsible only for myself.  Although I love being able to show my love through cooking and doing other nice things for the other person.

3.  What’s the most important physical characteristic in your mate/potential mate? A good-looking face. I’m attracted to people with olive skin and dark hair (like me).

4. What’s the most important (non-physical) characteristic in your mate/potential mate?  I’m looking for that rare combination of characteristics that includes someone who is young at heart, down to earth, and fun to be around.  I like guys that are quick-witted and funny.  I like someone with ambition and drive.  And I also like someone whom I can trust and who will be honest with me.  Is that too much?  Maybe that’s why I’m single. 

5. Is it important to you that your significant other have the same hobbies and interests as you?  I actually think it makes it more fun to have some different interests, so that we can learn more from each other.  Plus, it gives us separate outlets so that we’re not spending every waking minute together.  Of course, I do think that we should share some of the same hobbies and interests, otherwise we won’t have much in common.

6. If you could go out on a date with a celebrity who would it be?  You guys are expecting me to say Johnny Depp, and while he would be fun to date, I’m going to go a bit unexpected.  I’ve been doing an American film unit with my classes, and we’re currently watching Godfather, Part 2 (yes, I had parental permission slips), and to me, there is really no one better looking than a young Robert DeNiro:

Those eyes, that face, the beauty mark…plus he’s Italian?  Forgetabouit!

But ok, ok, there’s no way to time travel and date a young DeNiro, so if I have to choose a current celebrity, I guess I’d say yes to going out with

Yes, that’s Joe Manganiello.  Of True Blood and Spider Man fame.  Another Italian boy.  See a pattern?  Of course this one is taller and has more muscles…I guess I can work with that. 

7. What’s your idea of a good first date? Anything but dinner and a movie, which is just so cliche. Plus, it’s hard to get to know someone while you’re sitting in a dark theatre.  I think movies are great dates, but after you’ve gotten to know the person a bit.  Doing something active is always fun so that if there is a bit of a lull in the  conversation, we still have something else to do.  I like guys to show thought and be creative, so I’d really be up for most things.

8. Are there any traits/habits that you’d consider a deal breaker?  Not having a job would absolutely be a deal breaker.  I’d prefer the person I’m dating to be at least as successful as I am.  It’s not about the money, but about the drive and commitment.  And, ok, it’s not really difficult to make as much money as I do, since I’m a teacher, so it is about the money, a little bit.

9. Okay ladies…Facial Hair: Yes, or No? Sure, I’m fine with it. Probably not a full on Zach Galifianakis beard, but something more trimmed and neat would be just fine.

10.  Would you marry someone who is opposed to diamond engagement rings?  If the guy is so counterculture that he opposes diamond engagement rings, we probably don’t have enough in common to even date, let alone be at that point.

11. What do you wish you could do differently in your next relationship?  Gosh, it’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship that this is hard to answer.  In general in my life I’m working on being less controlling, so I’m sure that would be one.  And as independent as I am, I sometimes get a bit needy in terms of wanting the person to show me attention (calls, emails, etc), so maybe that, too.  In other words, I’m often the one showing more affection.  I hate feeling like I like the guy more than he likes me.  So in my next relationship, I’d like it to be at least 50-50, or skewed a bit in my favor, maybe, with him liking me a touch more than I like him.

12. Is there anyone from your past that you’d like to date again now? I used to think that I wanted to get back together with my first real love, the guy I was engaged to, but I’ve recently realized that I was just idealizing that relationship.  I do think that everything happens for a reason, and I’m sure that him breaking it off with me was for the best (this is all said in hindsight, it’s taken years to come to this).  So, no.  No looking backward for me – only forward progress.

13. Describe your worst first date story ever.  OMG!  I could write a book.  Seriously, for a while there in the early 2000s I was doing quite a bit of online dating and I dated some real doozies.  Like the guy that had ADD and a huge swastika  tattoo, which covered his entire back.  He took me bowling and to Mexican food in Japantown (you can imagine how good that was), and got really upset when I wouldn’t let him kiss me at the end of the date.  *shudder*  And that’s one of the good ones.

14. Describe the perfect date with your significant other. I don’t think there is one perfect date.  I think it’s a feeling you get from the other person where you look around you and realize that you wouldn’t want to be doing anything but exactly what you’re doing in that moment.  That’s perfect.

15.  Would you date someone shorter than you? Well, since I’m 5″3′, it’s difficult to find someone shorter than me.  (Although back in those online dating days, there was one guy who was my exact height, if you can believe it).  So, no.  I actually prefer a much taller  guy, around 6″ or so.

16. Share one (or a few) bonus traits that would be fun to find in an significant other (even if they aren’t as important as other traits.)  I’d love to date someone who was Italian (in case you couldn’t guess) and maybe from the East Coast.  I love the accents from the outer NYC area, as well as Boston.  There’s something about being Italian that only other Italians really understand.  And I think my personality is more like those you’d find on the East Coast – there’s an intensity to me that most of the people I know just don’t understand.

17. What’s one thing you’d like to do with a significant other that you’ve never done with another?  I’ve done a lot of different things with the guys I’ve dated over the years….Hmmm, maybe have it last?  That would be new.

18.  PDA: Yes, or No?  Sure, a little is nice.  Nothing graphic or inappropriate, though.

19. Do you kiss on the first date? Why not?  If we’re both feeling it.

20. Who, if anyone, makes your heart flutter?  No fluttering for this heart, at the moment.

 Now it’s your turn to share. Don’t forget to go back to Kenlie’s blog to link up in the comments!

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This ‘n’ That Thursday

It’s been a while since I wrote a “mish-mosh” post, and since I have lots of little things to share with you (none of which would require an entire blog post), I figured this would be fun.

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“The Crush.” I’m not even sure this is update-worthy.  Let me begin by saying I think I have lost any “Game” I once had.  I am so out of practice with flirting/reading signs from the opposite sex, that it is a bit pathetic.  (Especially considering my age!).  Still, I know some of you are interested.

Taking the advice of Scale Warfare and others, I decided to text Crush the other day.  Our conversation was short, but in it I asked him if he had voted yet (it was Election Day), and he said he had “been to (sic) busy.” Ok, so first, I hate the misspelling of the homonym and secondly, I really hate it when people don’t appreciate that voting isn’t just a right, but a duty.  I thought that he got a bit turned off by me saying that he needed to vote, and that turned me off.  As I wrote to SW, if he isn’t someone who likes an intelligent girl, then he’s not the guy for me. I was about to write him off altogether, and then he texted me last night: (“Crush” is in grey, I’m in green) (Also, forgive my terrible photoshop skills)

I didn’t really know what else to say, which is why I brought up this girl I used to work with that is also a friend of his on Facebook.  Lame!

As you guys can see, the whole text conversation was fairly ridiculous, right?  It’s also pretty clear (and I knew this) that Crush uses a lot more slang than I do.  Which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, but I am looking for someone who can hold his own with me, intellectually.  Crush might be able to, but I’m not sure.

So, we’ll see if it moves beyond awkward texting to him asking me to coffee or drinks or something. While I have no expectations at all, I think it might be fun to see him and hang out a bit. (I flirt much better in person than via text, at least I used to).

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My new scale is awesome!  I love how I can just step right on it and don’t need to tap first with my toe.  Plus, I can get on it 4 or 5 times, and it gives the same weight readout each time, as it should.  My old scale was past its prime and lacked accuracy toward the end there.

I was happy to see that I lost 0.2 pounds from yesterday.  Now, I’m not one of those people who is weighs herself everyday.  In fact, I try to stay off the scale as much as possible.  But I think I may try daily weigh-ins this week, just to see if it helps keep me on track more than once-a-week-weighing does.  Just sort of experimenting.

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I’m looking forward to another personal training session with Robbie today.  I haven’t seen him since last Friday, and I need an intense workout.  I was supposed to do 3 sessions this week, but Tuesday I ate some room temperature Greek yogurt (never do that!) and felt pretty nauseous all day, so I had to cancel our session.  So I’m meeting with him today and tomorrow, just to get our two sessions in this week.  I haven’t done back-to-back sessions before, so we’ll see how it goes. He had mentioned that he wanted to do some circuit/cardio work with me one of the days (when we were planning to meet 3 times), but I’m hoping now that it’s down to two sessions that he’ll just do arms/chest one day and legs the other,  along with core and leave the cardio to me on my own.  In fact, I’m going to do more than hope, I’m going to tell him that’s what I want to do.  After all, I’m paying for the sessions.

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My new meal plan is going really well.  I’ve been able to stay within my calories really easily and there are two side bonuses:

1. I’m going to save money! I only spent $60 for all my food this week, which translates to $240 for the month, which is so much less than I was spending ($400).
2. I’m saving so much time! I sort of new this would happen, but it’s not just saving me in the nightly cooking, it’s also so much easier to pack up my breakfasts/lunches – just grab and go.  No prep at all.  It’s sort of nice.

I haven’t figured out what I’m going to cook this weekend yet.  Whatever it is, it’s going to be something for one, because I don’t want too many leftovers that I have to deal with. Although if I do make some sort of stew or baked pasta dish, I could theoretically portion it carefully and have it for lunch and dinner a couple times next week.  We’ll see.

If you have any one-person meal ideas that actually involve some cooking, I’d love to hear them.

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I LOVE November because there are so many holidays (no work days).  Which shouldn’t  give you the impression that I don’t love my job, because I do, but I’ve learned over the last couple of years especially that BALANCE is important and that I enjoy my life more than I enjoy my job.  Next week I get Thursday and Friday off for Veteran’s Day – hello 4-day weekend! Then 2 weeks later I get Wednesday, Thursday, Friday off for Thanksgiving (5-day weekend!!). Plus, once the weather turns cold and daylight savings time hits, everything just feels a bit more cozy.

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That’s it for me today.  I hope you are having a great Thursday.

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Feeling Lucky!

Back when I was a sophomore in high school, it was Friday the 13th, and I will never forget my Spanish teacher telling us:

This whole Friday the 13th being unlucky is an American thing.  I mean, how can a Friday be unlucky?  It’s a FRIDAY!  In Spain, Tuesday the 13th might be unlucky, but never a Friday.”

And from that day forward, I decided that because everyone else always thought of 13 as such an unlucky number, it was going to become my favorite number.  You see, I like being “avant garde” like that.  And I completely agree with Mr. Hernandez, how can a Friday ever be a bad day?

So today’s post is going to be all about how lucky I’m feeling.  (Quite a switch from yesterday’s debbie downer post, right?):

I have amazing family and friends, and I get to see them all the time. Tomorrow LC and I are going to a Zumba class together in the morning, and then we’re going to spend the day with my nieces and my dad, swimming and having fun.  I can think of no better way to spend a Saturday.

I’ve made some great “reconnections” with high school chums via Facebook, and I even head up an Alumnae Food & Wine Club.  A core group of us have become really close, and we do things outside of the club.  Last night I went to karaoke with a few of them, and we had a great time, although none of us got up the nerve (or had enough drinks) to get up in front of the crowd and actually sing.  We made a vow that next time, we’ll be up there crooning our hearts out.

I am finally in the place in my career where I’m making good money.  Now this is relative, of course, because I am a teacher and we don’t get paid what we deserve, but I’ve finally scaled my way up the pay scale so that I am living comfortably.  In these times of economic hardship for so many, I am very, very lucky.

This summer has been amazing, and while I’m sad that it’s coming to a close, I’ve had an absolute blast for 2 months.  Sure, there are a lot of things I didn’t get the chance to do, but that’s what weekends are for, right?

Lulu is a love, and I am so glad she’s in my life.  Having her has given me more purpose in my life, because now I’m not so concentrated on just myself; I have someone else to focus on, and it was just what I needed. Yesterday I found out about a great new book called A Dog’s Purpose, and I think the concept is really cool: ” [it] proposes that a dog’s purpose might entail being reborn several times.”  I’ve put it on my “To Read” list.

I’ve shown myself this week how strong I really am.  I have always considered myself a strong woman, and have lots of evidence to prove that to be true, but this week I’ve put myself to the test by quitting smoking AND starting a 1200-calorie meal plan.  No easy feat (again, as evidenced by yesterday’s post).  As of today I am 3 days smoke free, and this is getting to be a bit easier with each passing hour.  Once I finish today, it will be the longest I’ve ever gone without smoking since I started 15 years ago, and that feels amazing.

I have taken myself out of the dating scene for the past few years, but last night I started talking to two of my girlfriends who met great, handsome, loving men on Match.com.  That’s the one dating site that I’ve never used, which is weird, because it’s the biggest.  I always perceived it to be more of a meat market, but these two girls met wonderful men on there, and they both happen to be plus-sized ladies.  So it kind of gave me some hope that maybe I too, could find someone on there.  I thinking I’m going to wait a few months, because so much is already going on in my life, but this might be a fun thing.  (Last night one of the girls had one of her guy friends join us after we had been there a few hours.  Apparently, he’s looking to meet a girlfriend, and she thought that he and I would be a good fit.  (This was all unbeknownst to me).  He was a good looking guy who seemed very sweet, but there was no love connection on my part.  Still, it did give me a little thrill to hear this morning that he wants to ask me out on a date.  I told her I didn’t think we were a match, because I always go with my gut feeling in matters of love, but it was still nice to think that someone found me attractive).

There are so many opportunities waiting right around the corner for me.  A new place to live (fingers crossed), a new body, and maybe, eventually a new love.

Tonight I’m going to see Eat Pray Love with a good friend, and I’m really looking forward to it.  I read and loved the book, and I’m hoping the film is a good adaptation.  From the previews I’ve seen, the settings look amazing, and with Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem, it will be good eye-candy, so I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.

How are you spending this Friday the 13th?

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