Regular readers may have noticed something different on this blog recently. Specifically, a lack of my usual blog posts. In January and February I was blogging almost everyday, doing really well on WW, and feeling great in general. Lately life is stressful, my schedule is packed, and I’ve been totally slacking on many of my responsibilities, including my weight loss goals.
I could give tons of excuses (explanations) about why this has happened, but that’s not really my style. I’ve explained a few things in the last couple of posts – an extra class I’m teaching, TNT training, etc., but all of that is just life getting busy. I have to be able to stick with WW, exercise, and all of my other obligations even when life is hectic and crazy.
After all, I look at my sister, LC, who has a really busy life and is still able to stick to her weight loss goals. She’s a social worker, so stress and crises are daily realities for her profession. LC is also a mother of two adorable little girls (6 and 21 months) and a wife. She has an entire household to run yet still manages to make it to her weekly WW meetings, works out, and goes to yoga for a bit of “me time.” Her day starts at 5:45am and doesn’t end until after 9pm, with hardly any down time for herself. I really don’t know how she does it.
So every time I start feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself because of how busy I am, I need to remind myself that I only have myself to think about. I don’t have a husband and two little girls who need me. I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself, yet lately I can’t even seem to do that.
Case in point – I was supposed to go to a TNT training this morning. 8 miles. I was dreading it because I haven’t been doing my OYO (on your own) trainings at all, and there was no way I was ready for the 8 mile walk today. Plus, we were supposed to wear our fuel belts, but I couldn’t find one that fit. I was getting very upset with myself this morning for once again not going to a Saturday training (it’s so hard to wake up at 5:45am on a Saturday, I can’t even tell you), but at the same time, I told myself that I needed to take this weekend and really get myself back on track.
I’ve allowed myself to get into this really bad place lately. Money problems caused me to be delinquent on some of my bills (I’ve now caught up), my house is a mess because I haven’t had the energy to clean it, my weight loss is non-existent because I haven’t gone to a WW meeting in weeks and I have stopped counting points, and I can’t seem to get myself to the gym to walk for my TNT trainings. (I have been going to the Wednesday night track practices, but going once a week is not going to get me to where I need to be in order to complete a half marathon). More than once lately I’ve thought about dropping out of the TNT program all together because it’s just so hard. I think about all my friends and family who have told me that I’m inspiring, or that “I rock,” because I’m training for the half marathon and I feel like a sham.
But then I think about all those people who have donated to my fundraising efforts and I know I can’t let them down. I think about what I wrote on my fundraising page and I know that it’s true. I want to do this in memory of my uncle. I want to do this because it’s for such a good cause. And most of all, I want to do this because it’s one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever attempted, physically.
So rather than just sit here and write about how sorry I’m feeling for myself, I am vowing to get over it. I am going to spend today cleaning the house so that I feel human again at home. I’m going to return the old fuel belt and find one that fits if it kills me. I’m going to go to the gym and walk for an hour and a half, because I have to start in on these OYO trainings, plus exercise really does make me feel better. I’m going to go to the grocery store and buy loads of healthy food, because I always feel better when I’m eating good food. And then I’m going to work on a plan to fit daily exercise/training into my new, more hectic schedule.
I’ll check in again later tonight or early tomorrow with my progress. I’m determined to stop this awful pattern and get back on track with everything in my life. I have to.
I don’t know how those wonder people like your sister do it. Juggling a busy life while simultaneously trying to make massive changes to yourself is ridiculously hard. I credit you with having the self-awareness to monitor how you are doing, blog about it, and not give up even when you are not always successful.
I too am a teacher. This is my third year, and it has taken me until this year to finally admit to myself that there is no force on this earth that can get me to regularly exercise after work. The occasional after school work out can happen, but more often than not all I want to do after work is veg out. So when my boyfriend was deployed to Iraq this last fall I took the time for myself to start going to bed by 9 pm every night, no exceptions, so that I could wake up early to go to the gym. It was soo hard at first, but now I get up more days than not at 4:15 to make it to the gym by 5 and get an hour workout in before school. The things that motivate me to wake up are telling myself that if I don’t go in the a.m. I will have to go after work, which I HATE, and telling myself how good I will feel after and how it will make my entire day better.
The mind games don’t work every morning, but they work quite often. I find that just forcing myself to get out of the bed and brush my teeth is usually all I need…after that I’m not really that tired, and by the time I get to the gym I am pretty awake. A.M. workouts might not be answer for you, but they were for me and my hectic teaching schedule.
Update us soon on how things are going!
Jenna, working out in the morning is exactly what my plan is. You’d think that in my 9th year of teaching I’d have the whole “going to bed early” thing down, but I don’t. I’m such a night owl and when I try to go to bed early, I usually just end up reading until midnight. (Reading before bed usually quiets my mind enough to get me sleepy). My sister had a good idea about trying to just turn off the light and meditate a bit. Not in a total new-age way, but just to reflect on the day and think about my goals for tomorrow. I think it’s a great idea, and I’m going to give it a shot on Sunday night.
I love working out in the morning for how it makes me feel – so invigorated and ready for the day. I’m always in a better mood because I feel more alive and organized when I workout in the morning. It’s just convincing myself to do it when the alarm is going off at some ungodly hour that’s the hard part. 🙂 4:15 is crazy – I’m really impressed that you’re able to get up that early. I’m hoping for 4:45-5am. We’ll see.
I thought of you the other day when I noticed you’re not updating and I figured you were falling off. I can only imagine how hard it is to document that kind of thing on a blog. I appreciate you Bella, I feel support from reading your blog with my own weight loss efforts, so thanks for taking the time to write when you can. I am sending good thoughts your way and I know you will get back on track real soon, you can do it!
Thank you for your comment – I really appreciate your belief in me. I ran around and did a ton of errands today and I’m starting to feel better already.
I’m thinking of you and hoping that today brings a change for you. One day at time, one step at a time. I know that you can and will accomplish your goals.
You can do this, I’m sure of it!
Here’s a link that I printed out today:
http://www.dumblittleman.com/2009/02/how-to-build-motivation-for-your.html
It’s geared toward exercise, but it can be applied to most anything.🙂
Thanks for the link, Cammy.
I think with a week of forcing yourself to get up early, you may naturally move to going to sleep earlier. When you’re tired, you’re tired, even if you’re a night owl. Just do it, as much as you can. I’m rooting for you!
You’re right, I think that eventually, my body will get used to the new schedule; it’s just getting there that’s a bit hard.
BTW, I’d really appreciate it if you’d show your name/nickname because I don’t allow comments that come from an anonymous source or a made-up email address. Your comments are usually very insightful, and I’d hate to lose them because they end up in the spam filter.