Regular readers may have noticed something different on this blog recently. Specifically, a lack of my usual blog posts. In January and February I was blogging almost everyday, doing really well on WW, and feeling great in general. Lately life is stressful, my schedule is packed, and I’ve been totally slacking on many of my responsibilities, including my weight loss goals.
I could give tons of excuses (explanations) about why this has happened, but that’s not really my style. I’ve explained a few things in the last couple of posts – an extra class I’m teaching, TNT training, etc., but all of that is just life getting busy. I have to be able to stick with WW, exercise, and all of my other obligations even when life is hectic and crazy.
After all, I look at my sister, LC, who has a really busy life and is still able to stick to her weight loss goals. She’s a social worker, so stress and crises are daily realities for her profession. LC is also a mother of two adorable little girls (6 and 21 months) and a wife. She has an entire household to run yet still manages to make it to her weekly WW meetings, works out, and goes to yoga for a bit of “me time.” Her day starts at 5:45am and doesn’t end until after 9pm, with hardly any down time for herself. I really don’t know how she does it.
So every time I start feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself because of how busy I am, I need to remind myself that I only have myself to think about. I don’t have a husband and two little girls who need me. I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself, yet lately I can’t even seem to do that.
Case in point – I was supposed to go to a TNT training this morning. 8 miles. I was dreading it because I haven’t been doing my OYO (on your own) trainings at all, and there was no way I was ready for the 8 mile walk today. Plus, we were supposed to wear our fuel belts, but I couldn’t find one that fit. I was getting very upset with myself this morning for once again not going to a Saturday training (it’s so hard to wake up at 5:45am on a Saturday, I can’t even tell you), but at the same time, I told myself that I needed to take this weekend and really get myself back on track.
I’ve allowed myself to get into this really bad place lately. Money problems caused me to be delinquent on some of my bills (I’ve now caught up), my house is a mess because I haven’t had the energy to clean it, my weight loss is non-existent because I haven’t gone to a WW meeting in weeks and I have stopped counting points, and I can’t seem to get myself to the gym to walk for my TNT trainings. (I have been going to the Wednesday night track practices, but going once a week is not going to get me to where I need to be in order to complete a half marathon). More than once lately I’ve thought about dropping out of the TNT program all together because it’s just so hard. I think about all my friends and family who have told me that I’m inspiring, or that “I rock,” because I’m training for the half marathon and I feel like a sham.
But then I think about all those people who have donated to my fundraising efforts and I know I can’t let them down. I think about what I wrote on my fundraising page and I know that it’s true. I want to do this in memory of my uncle. I want to do this because it’s for such a good cause. And most of all, I want to do this because it’s one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever attempted, physically.
So rather than just sit here and write about how sorry I’m feeling for myself, I am vowing to get over it. I am going to spend today cleaning the house so that I feel human again at home. I’m going to return the old fuel belt and find one that fits if it kills me. I’m going to go to the gym and walk for an hour and a half, because I have to start in on these OYO trainings, plus exercise really does make me feel better. I’m going to go to the grocery store and buy loads of healthy food, because I always feel better when I’m eating good food. And then I’m going to work on a plan to fit daily exercise/training into my new, more hectic schedule.
I’ll check in again later tonight or early tomorrow with my progress. I’m determined to stop this awful pattern and get back on track with everything in my life. I have to.