Happy Tuesday, Everyone!
I find it incredibly ironic that on the same day that I can proudly post 25 pounds gone, I also have a confession to make.
Some of you might’ve seen the writing on the wall. I know that I did, in a subconscious way. First I wrote last week about being bored. Then I indulged in a glass of wine at Sunday dinner at my parents’ house. Add to that some financial strain that’s going to occur next month, and the fact that my house seems so alone without Lulu. And yesterday I told LC that I was really craving McDonalds, but she discouraged me, telling me how sick I would get. And then I went to Target to pick up a few household essentials, along with a bunch of junk food.
I filled my cart with Tater Tots, hot dogs, TGIF sliders, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and ice cream. But this episode was different from any other “binge” I’ve ever had. I had one slider, about a cup of Tater Tots, 2 cookies, 1 hot dog, and less than a 1/4 of the pint of ice cream. Somewhere in between bites of the junk I realized a few things:
- It didn’t taste that great. In fact, it was pretty gross.
- I didn’t want to completely screw up all the progress I have been making.
- I was feeling literally sick to my stomach after just a bit of it.
- I was disgusted with this addict behavior.
- I was so physically uncomfortable that I just had to STOP.
I literally had a bit of each thing and then just threw it all out. And then I threw out all that was leftover in the fridge and freezer. I’ve never stopped myself like that before. So this is progress.
The other big sign of improvement is that I’m sharing this with you. In the past whenever I’ve binged I kept it to myself, or possibly told Scale Warfare about it, but that was it. And it would’ve been easy for me to just avoid this blog. I thought about it, asked SW about it, and then followed her advice (and my own gut) and decided to lay it all out here. Because if this blog is my chronicle of my journey to health then I have to be honest about time times I stumble along the way.
And that’s exactly what I’m considering last night – a brief stumble. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. In fact, I’m actually glad that it happened, in a weird sort of way. It shows me that I’m still working through things. That sometimes I will still turn to food. But that I am in control of what I do. And that I have enough sense to prevent major damage and derailment of all that I’ve accomplished.
This morning is a brand new day. Last night is behind me, and I am not going to dwell on it. Today I am going to be on plan and back to it. I have a friend coming over with her new puppy, which will be fun. Then I have a bunch of other errands to do, and so I’ll be busy. And I’m planning on ending the day with some time at the gym with LC.
Tomorrow the scale is going on Spring Break along with me. You might call it avoidance (and you might be right), but I call it giving myself a pass. I know it’s likely to be ugly, and rather than feel bad about myself, I’m just going to give myself this week off and make sure that next week I see really good numbers.
As Tina pointed out in her comment, I used to avoid the scale all the time whenever I’d have a bad week. And if I do that again, that would be feeding that pattern of behavior. So, here’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to get on the scale tomorrow, but I’m not going to make the weigh-in post public. That way, I know where I stand and I’ll know what I have to do to move forward, but I can keep the info private. So tomorrow’s blog post is going to be password protected, and only I’ll have the PW. That way, I can still keep a record of what happened, but I’m the only one who will know the results. Because I’ve made progress, but I guess haven’t made enough progress to post a gain on here right now.
I hope you all have a great week – I know I will.
My attitude will lead my actions and my actions determine my success.
Bella on the Beach 
That’s pretty awesome! WTG!
Good for you! That IS a big step. I encourage you to reconsider the scale break though. That’s also something you have done before when you’ve struggled. Here’s why I think you should reconsider:
1. You’ll be better able to recognize how awesome you’ll do next week when you have the full picture.
2. It’s important to see how these binges–even a mini one like this–really impact the scale.
3. It’s probably not as bad as you think it will be. The sodium will kill you more than the calories and I’m sure you’ve been guzzling water as normal throughout this.
You don’t need to share the number–of course!–but I think it’s important to you and what you learn on this journey and it’s definitely important so you can see how well you’ll bounce back from this next week. And if the scale still goes buh-bye this week, no biggie. I know you’ll rock it next week~!
Hugs!
You know, that’s a good point. I WILL get on the scale tomorrow, but I won’t make a normal “weigh-in” post about it. In fact, I’m going to edit the blog to reflect that change. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
I’m telling you, Bella–this time around the weight loss wagon is sooooo different for you. You have so much more patience and optimism and you’re more willing to take risks and push your boundaries. You deserve an infinite number of high fives for this–I hope you’re rewarding yourself accordingly! (more pedicures!!!)
Any excuse for more pedicures!!!
But seriously, thank you so much for your comments today. They really were a mirror for me. And this compliment is nice, too. I really feel different this time around.
Awwww thank you so much for sharing this post! Recently I’ve gone public with my binging and purging episodes…it’s really hard to publicly confess when we have such an issue. Kudos to you for sharing with us! And I’m so proud of you for stopping yourself and for throwing everything out! You have to be so proud of yourself! This is definitely a huge accomplishment and shows tons of progress on your journey! I’m giving you a gold start…10 gold stars for the day 😉 Way to go girl!
I’ll gladly accept each of those gold stars – thank you! You comment really made me feel good. I appreciate it!!
I’ve shared your first realization. The things I used to love to eat in mass quantities don’t really appeal to me anymore. Just doesn’t taste good. Oddly enough, the only constant unhealthy binge type food for me is the light Pringles. Eat them very rarely now (maybe 2 cans per year?), but still seem to eat way more than I planned and like the taste despite the nutritional void. And I’ve also noticed one way I definitely turn to food emotionally — the only time I ever want (and drink) a huge glass of milk is after I’ve fallen, which is also rare (maybe once a year?). Think it goes back to being a kid and my mom giving me a glass of milk as she bandaged up scrapes, saying something about how the milk would help my bones re-grow. Anyway, it’s strange for me to drink it now esp since I very rarely drink cow’s milk. Random comment, head is out of it. Congrats on owning up, facing the music, and moving on.
What an amazing accomplishment! You are definitely a success. Congratulations on your 25 lbs loss!! Even with a little hiccup, that is something worth celebrating. I’m glad you took Tina’s advise. I’m new to your blog, and excited to see more of your accomplishments!!!