I’ve been wanting to write a post for the past day, but when I sit down to write, I don’t know exactly how to put what I’m feeling into words. I keep using works like surreal and amazing, but even those seem to pale in comparison with the experience of my heart beating out of my chest every time I think about the fact that my life is going to change in less than 6 days.
So many people have asked me if I’m nervous or scared or worried about the surgery, and I can honestly say I’m not. Not even one bit. Sure, I realize there are risks, even death, but I am certain that’s not my fate. I know it like I know my name. The possibility of pain doesn’t faze me, either. I’ve always had a high tolerance for pain, and I’m in good condition for someone of my weight, so I don’t think that will be much of a factor.
When I used to think of weight loss surgery, before I imagined it as an option for me, I focused on all of the restrictions to the post-op person’s diet. Back when gastric bypass was the only surgery that anyone ever talked about. I was so concerned about what “they” couldn’t eat, and couldn’t imagine my life with severe food limitations. Today, after over 2 1/2 years of research, I know that there will be very few foods that are completely off limits. Sure, there will be foods that I only enjoy on rare occasions, but I also realize that my life will be about more than food. It will be full of all the new activities that I’ll have more energy to pursue, and all the people who I’ll have the opportunities to meet. I’m not at all concerned about what I won’t be able to eat, but rather, excited by all that I will be able to participate in.
So I guess tonight I’m in a really peaceful, reflective mood. It’s been a long, unsteady road along this weight loss path, but on Monday as I wake up from surgery, I’ll take that deep breath and I will start on the exciting new leg of my journey.