I think I mentioned a while ago that ever since surgery, my naturally curly hair had turned really wild and frizzy (frizzier than usual), and I really couldn’t do anything with it. So, I decided to treat myself to a keratin hair treatment with my mom’s stylist, J. It was pricey – $300, but the smoothing lasts 4 months the first time, and then 6 months at at time with subsequent treatments. J only uses formaldehyde-free keratin, which is actually good for the hair because it adds luster and protein, takes out the frizz, and completely smooths the hair out. It would leave my hair much less curly, but I liked that it wouldn’t make it stick straight. I had the treatment done on December 13th, and absolutely love the results:
The only thing about the hair was that by the next day, it looked a lot flatter/less full than I would’ve liked:
It also needed to get a bit cleaned up in the back (see the photo above), as well as a bit darker on the color. It had a bit more red in it than I would’ve liked. So I headed to my usual stylist, D, whom I’ve been going to for a few years. I told D that I wanted it to be a bit fuller somehow, and she suggested some layers, to which I said, “sure.” I did tell her that I want to let it grow so that it’s at least to my shoulders, or maybe a bit past. She started cutting A LOT off the top of my hair, and while I was a bit concerned, I didn’t worry too much, because I’m not a stylist, and I assumed D knew what she was doing. Then she started using a curling iron to add some volume to the top, and then added some curls to the sides, which was strange. I didn’t love the result of the styling she did, but I didn’t think too much of it, paid her, and left.
I had plans to meet up with a friend I haven’t seen since high school, so as soon as I got home, I jumped in the shower, re-washed my hair and started blowing it out again. I was horrified with what I saw next (and I actually can’t believe I’m posting these online):
I don’t know what the hell D was thinking, but this was horrible. I was completely crushed. I felt terrible. Seeing my hair like this brought me back to those feelings of ugliness I had when I was 315 pounds. Those feelings of not having anything to wear, of hating the way I looked. I haven’t felt that way in so long. I’ve actually be so happy with the way my hair was looking, because unlike with curly hair where I never know from day to day what it’s going to look like, with the straight style, I knew it always looked nice. Until now. This completely destroyed my self esteem and I was really depressed Thursday evening and most of Friday. I cancelled on my friend (who was so understanding), and changed plans with another friend so that we could stay in instead of heading out on Friday night.
I made the decision Thursday night that I wasn’t going to D ever again. My family was trying to convince me to tell her how upset I was, but I told them that I didn’t see the point. I didn’t want her anywhere near my hair, and without letting her have the chance to fix it, there was really no point in getting into it with her. I’m not one to shy away from confrontation, not that there would’ve been anything like that going on, but it was just so awkward to bring this up to her. So we’re done.
I spent most of Saturday praying that my hair would grow fast, because I seriously didn’t know what I was going to do for the next month or two. All of that money wasted on a keratin treatment that wouldn’t show because of this f***ed up haircut.
Then Saturday morning I got a call from J’s salon, telling me my mom had scheduled and paid for an appointment with J for Saturday afternoon. How sweet of her! I wasn’t sure what J was going to be able to do, but I loved her professionalism with the keratin treatment, and had always heard nothing but great things about her from my mom. I knew J was a perfectionist, and wouldn’t stop until she got the cut/color/treatment just right. She was my hair 911.
As we were going over the haircut, J pointed out how uneven it was. It was shorter on one side, had been cut into on the other, and had even been texturized, which is something that should never be done to my hair. Not only that, but J said that there was no weight line, which my hair needs, so that it holds its shape at the bottom. She wanted to make a few snips here and there, and I told her, “I have complete trust in you, J, and besides, it really can only get better from here.” She spent so long making sure each strand was just right, and then explained what she was doing as she went. Completely the opposite of the chop job D did on me. I left the salon feeling hopeful, and looking forward to my next appointment with J in 6 weeks. (That quote at the beginning of this post is SO true – and J is definitely that hard-to-find hairdresser).
You might read this post and think that I’m so vapid and superficial for letting something like hair affect me so much. I’d respond that hair is one of the first things people see – it’s something I wear every single day. My hair has gone through a lot lately, what with it getting thinner, and losing so much of it for 3 months after WLS. Now that it’s finally growing back, getting thicker, and looking good smoothed out after the keratin treatment, I feel better about myself. It goes along with the new person I’ve become through my weight loss. My confidence is one of my best traits, and I’m so thankful to have it back.