Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘dating’

I have quite a few updates to cover, so let’s dig right in, shall we?

Dating

I’m actually glad I waited to update this, because I was confused for about a week or so, and then as it usually happens, things clarified themselves pretty quickly.

Let’s start with TR.  Technically, we’re not dating, since we were getting together for dinner “as friends.”  Still, it had been a few months since we’d seen each other, and I was a bit nervous about how it would go. It was nice that TR had asked me to bring Sofi, because the dogs automatically eased whatever awkwardness there would have been.  Both dogs love playing together, something that TR commented on a few times that evening.  He’d prepared a really special dinner for me: grilled Italian sausage, risotto made from scratch, grilled onions & bell peppers, and a beautiful salad with artichoke hearts, chopped olives, tomatoes, and a yummy vinaigrette. We also had some really great red wine.  The fact that he put in so much effort to make such a lovely dinner really made me feel special.  We enjoyed the food, took a long walk after dinner with the dogs, and then came back and watched a bit of TV.  Things definitely stayed at the friend level, but being around him reminded me of how much I enjoyed hanging out with him.  We have so many things in common – our Italian heritage, our love of local sports teams, cooking/eating great food, and our dogs.  He’s classy, fun, and there’s just something there.  On my part.  And maybe on his too, because he mentioned that he never got my recipe for pesto when I cooked for him in the summer, to which I replied, “so are you saying you’d like a live demonstration?” He said he did.  So we have plans for him and his pup to come over soon so I can make pesto for him and he can copy down the recipe.  (Or maybe it’s just an excuse for us to hang out again?). One of my friends asked me why I’m still hanging out with him, because if I had my way, we’d still be dating, and he says that he doesn’t want to since I don’t want to have kids and he does.  She thinks I’m setting myself up for disappointment, and that it must be so difficult.  I told her that I really do like spending time with him, and that if I’m honest, I am hoping that somehow he changes his mind and decides that he’d like to start dating again at some point.  And besides, it’s not like I’m not dating other people and pinning all my romantic hopes on him. But I do see her point, and maybe I’ll eventually feel like the situation is too frustrating.

Moving on to the sheriff…he came over two weeks ago and we hung out watching Sunday Night Football and getting a little more physical (I’ll spare the details, nothing too serious happened). One good thing is that my worries about the way my body looks weren’t an issue that night at all.  I’ve come to realize that if I’m with the right person, someone who makes me feel like he adores me, the issues I have with my body won’t really come into play.  The evening left me very confused because I just wasn’t physically attracted to sheriff, and I’m not talking about anything that happened when we were making out, but more in just how he looks in general.  I know that sounds pretty shallow, but attraction is important.  So I began the week not knowing what I was going to do, if I wanted to continue seeing him, or if I should cut it off.  We were texting everyday, but I was moving more toward letting him go.  And then this past Tuesday, when the Ferguson verdict came out, he texted me some photos that were in very poor taste, bordering on racist.  We hadn’t even said hello or good morning, and he was sending me photos about the looting and rioting that were really disgusting.  Not that I condone looting and rioting, but I know he was doing it to see if he could get me going. I didn’t reply to the first photo, because he’d sent it in a group text, but after the second photo came through to just me, I had to respond:

Me: not funny

Sheriff: I think it’s hilarious

Me: that’s the crux of the problem

Sheriff: (I won’t repeat his response, but he went into this whole diatribe about how the liberal media was making it about race, when it clearly wasn’t about race)

WTF? Is he serious right now?  This was just too much for me.

Me: Listen, I don’t want to debate this with you. Those pictures you sent me were in poor taste and showed a side of yourself that I don’t want to get to know better.

And that was that.  Problem solved.  Confusion over.  No response, and we’re done.  And to be honest with you, I haven’t given him a second thought since.  I knew that dating someone who holds such different ideologies from me wouldn’t work.  At first I thought his views were more moderate, but those photos and his subsequent response showed that he and I hold much different views on race, justice, etc.  So it’s time to move on.  And before you think I’ve made these decisions because of TR, I didn’t.  The confusion with the sheriff started before I went over to TR’s for dinner, although after the dinner I did feel like the connection I feel with TR was lacking with the sheriff.

At the moment there are no other people on eHarmony that I’m interested in, but I get new matches daily, so who knows.  Plus, I’m actually hoping to just meet someone when I’m out and about.  There’s no rush, and I don’t feel any pressure to “get a boyfriend,” so I’m just going to stay open and see who comes my way.

Health

These past couple of months my weight has been at a standstill.  Mostly because I haven’t been putting as much effort into working out and eating as I should have been.  I haven’t been going wild with food, and I have been getting in workouts a few times a week, but I’ve basically been in maintenance mode. Which actually makes me happy to know that I can successfully maintain my weight…when the time comes.  But that time isn’t here yet.  I have 20 pounds or so to lose, and I’m determined to get back on the losing track.

I know lots of people would look at the calendar, see the holiday season coming, and say, just get back to it in January.  But that’s not me.  Why let a whole month go by without working towards my goals?  After all, I’m not that into sweets, so holiday treats don’t tempt me, and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are just two days, two meals, really.  So there’s no reason not to start back tomorrow, December 1st.

As luck would have it, I was on Instagram the other day when I saw that Fit Girls Worldwide posted about a Winter Wonderland 28-Day Challenge that was beginning December 1st.  So I decided to buy their guide and join in on it.

The meal plan is fairly simple, full of well-balanced meals that are pretty easy to make.  The guide comes with a shopping list for the week, which makes it very convenient.  Because the meal plan is all about eating clean, healthy food, it does require meal prep.  Luckily I don’t mind cooking, and I love that the guide gives tips on how when to prep which meals, which makes it very organized.  I am going to have to modify the portions, but other than that, the meal plan looks good.  At first I was put off a bit that there are only two different dinner ideas for the week, because I am all about variety. Then I realized that the meal guide is perfectly planned so that it uses up all the food on the shopping list for the week, and I know that I normally throw out extra food that I can’t eat when I cook too many different dinners. So sacrificing a bit of  variety for less food waste is something I’m willing to try.  The plan doesn’t include as much protein at each meal as I’m used to having, but I’m willing to give it a shot for 28 days to see how it works.

Making December Spectacular

My goal for this week is to be active each day, include 5 TIU workouts, stick to this new food plan, and check in a lot on Instagram.  I’m looking forward to starting the last month of the year tomorrow with a renewed energy and a great plan.  I’m motivated and excited!

Read Full Post »

I hope I’m not boring you guys with these dating updates, but it’s a fun time for my social calendar right now, and I want to share.

Yesterday was quite an eventful day.

I had a date with B in the afternoon, and the weather really couldn’t have been better. I was looking forward to getting to know him better, and the fact that we were meeting at a great tapas restaurant was a plus. He’s a very sweet person, but there wasn’t a love connection on my part. There’s not really one thing I can point to, other than the fact that we just didn’t really click. And I could tell he just wouldn’t challenge me.

On my way home I started thinking about the sheriff. He definitely challenges me – like a few of you commented, our differing political views make for great conversation. He’s lively and fun, and I know he could handle my outspoken personality because he’s very outspoken himself. So I decided to text him and let him know that I like the challenge that he presents. We chatted for quite a while, and he asked me to dinner for Tuesday. I’m very excited.

When it rains, it pours, because as I was leaving for my date with B, TR texted me to invite me to come to his house for a BBQ. “Just as friends, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.” Lol. To which I replied, “DEFINITELY just as friends.” I know there’s no true possibility of anything romantic developing, but I love spending time with him, and I’ve missed hanging out. I get the feeling he feels the same way. So I’m going to his house with Sofi on Wednesday. (Our dogs love playing together, and I think that helps us keep things in the friend zone).

There’s one last guy in the picture. R is actually the guy I’m most attracted to, physically. He’s very good looking, and he had great things to say on his profile. He asked to skip to eH Mail, which definitely shows interest. So when he emailed me, I gave him my number, and he texted me on Thursday night. I’d been out at coffee with the sheriff, so I didn’t respond until Friday morning. He said he’s out of town for work for the next week and a half, but that he’d like to go out when he gets back. I told him I’d like that. No definite plans yet, but he said he’d text while he’s away. We’ll see if he follows through.

There are a few other new matches in my queue who have piqued my interest, but none worth mentioning yet. Still, it’s fun to get this attention. I’m really enjoying myself right now, and look forward to the possibilities.

One thing that does concern me a bit is taking things to a more serious physical level. Mostly because of the way my weight loss has affected my body. It may sound crazy, because in clothes I look great (if I do say so myself). But my thighs, which have always been a source of insecurity, are something that I’m really unconfident about. Without getting into too much detail, I have a lot of loose skin. Until I have reconstructive surgery, no amount of working out is going to firm them up. And surgery is something way down the line, because of the cost. I know I’d be embarrassed about exposing them to someone, but it’s going to be something I have to deal with at some point. I know that if I was at that level with someone, I should feel comfortable that they would accept me as I am, but in reality, I worry that it would be a major turnoff. I’m trying not to let it get to me too much, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway, the week ahead is going to be fun, and I’m excited about how things might develop. For now, I’m just going to enjoy all of this to the fullest.

Happy Sunday Funday! I’ve got to get ready to meet my friend for breakfast and the 9ers game. I hope you all have a fab day!

Read Full Post »

So if you read yesterday’s post you know that I had two dates last night, which was a first for me. Or, it would’ve been, if they’d both happened.

The first guy called me about an hour before we were set to meet, letting me know that his daughter was feeling sick. He felt terribly, and immediately rescheduled for Saturday afternoon, so I didn’t feel too upset. Plus, he’s got the best voice! I know how things can crop up when you have kids, and to be honest with you, I’m not sure I could’ve swung both dates in one night anyway. So while I was mildly disappointed that we didn’t meet, I’m looking forward to Saturday, when we’ll have plenty of time, if all goes well. I also really appreciate that he called, instead of just texting like he might’ve. (Although I probably wouldn’t have rescheduled a new date if he did).

The second date was set for a Starbucks close to my house. With a sheriff who is not at all my traditional type, in terms of looks. But after our phone convo the other night, I knew he had a boisterous personality, which I liked. He paid for the coffee, and I was happy to get my first red cup of the season. The conversation flowed easily – he did most of the talking. I get the feeling he’s used to telling stories. He was engaging, but didn’t ask me too many questions about myself. And then politics came up.

He said, “man, that election was pretty bad last night.” I mistakenly thought he was talking about the loss of the House to the Republicans, but he was referring to a California law that was passed where non-violent, drug-related offenders would be charged with a misdemeanor instead of a felony. Being in law enforcement, I can understand his dislike for its passage, but then he made a snide remark about “liberals,” and I knew we were on different sides of the fence. We had an interesting discussion, although we hold much different views of things like gun control, the Obama administration, etc. I’ve always said that I could never date someone who held opposing views on things that really matter to me, and I thought we were taking a turn down that road until he said he believed in a woman’s right to choose and that gay marriage was a human rights issue. That saved him. For now.

He wanted me to text him when I got home, which led to a fun & flirty exchange. He even said, “maybe we can get together again despite our political differences?” And I said that I’d like that. And I meant it.

He broke quite a few first date rules: talked more than listened, brought up his ex (to tell me they have a great relationship, which I think is a good thing), and of course, the politics. But I like that he’s unfiltered and real. I like his outgoing personality. And I like that he is a protector.

In other dating news, a third guy who had contacted me on eH texted me last night while I was with the sheriff. This was the guy I was most interested in. He’s extremely good looking, has a lot in common with me, and is originally from the east coast (I’m really hoping for a great accent!!). My personality melds well with east coasters, so I’m hoping we’ll get along well. I’ll text him back later today and we’ll see what develops.

Three different possibilities. Fun and exciting, and perfect for this time of year. I’ve never actively dated more than one person at a time, but it sounds like fun. Especially until things get serious with one of them. Who knows, this New Year’s I may have that romantic date that I’ve longed for for years.

I’ll keep you guys updated. Happy Friday!!

Read Full Post »

dating

I just wanted to pop on here and let you guys know that in a new first for me, I have two dates tonight. I’m so not this girl, but I figured it would be a fun new experience, so why not?

Both guys contacted me on Sunday, which was perfect timing, after Fireman told me he just wasn’t that into me (ok, he didn’t actually SAY that, but he might as well have). I was feeling down in the dumps, but then that same night, several new possibilities cropped up on eHarmony.

I get lots of matches daily, only a handful of whom actually interest me. Lots of my recent matches live in another state. Hey, eHarmony, what about “match me with people within 100 miles of my home” don’t you understand? Anyway, of those who live within an hour or so, a few looked interesting. Of those, two went through the questions with me and got my number. I started texting with both of them, and both asked me out.

The first guy and I joked that we should get some sort of medal for making it through eHarmony’s lengthy questioning process. Then he quipped, “or maybe just a margarita!” To which I responded, “if you don’t mind changing that to sangria, there’s a great tapas place in your city.” He knew the one I meant, and he asked me out for tonight at 6.

The second guy set up a time to call me on Monday night, and though he’s not at all my traditional type, he’s got a fun personality, and I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to try someone outside my normal range. He asked me out for coffee tonight at 8:30, saying it was the only night this week that could work because his weekend is booked. Rather than putting it off, I agreed.

So that’s how I wound up with two dates in one night. I’m excited at the idea of meeting these new guys, although at this point neither one is giving me butterflies. But who knows? We’ll see what happens, right? If there’s any possibility with either of them, you guys will read about it soon enough. And then of course, I’ll have to come up with nicknames, etc.

Now I’m off to a busy workday, and then I have to figure out what I’m going to wear. The great thing is, I only have to figure out one double-duty outfit!!

Happy Thursday!!

Read Full Post »

It’s been quite an eventful weekend, so I thought I’d do a wrap-up post to catch you guys up.

Halloween

This Halloween was quite eventful for me.  Not only did I go as Vampira on the Halloween boat cruise last Friday (10/25), but I wore two different costumes on the 31st.  I wore a cozy, comfy Eeyore costume to work on Friday because the other teachers who work at the district office with me decided we should go as animals.  I didn’t have a costume idea in mind at all, so luckily my mentoring partner had the Eeyore costume and let me borrow it.  It definitely wasn’t the most flattering thing ever, but since the day was rainy and cold, it was pretty perfect.  When we stepped out to get some goodies for a Halloween lunch we were having later that day, so many people at the grocery store came up and told us how cute we looked (she was wearing a similar giraffe costume).

photo 1

I was heading to Tinkerbell’s house on Friday night for a passing out candy Halloween party.  I knew I wanted to be comfortable, so the Vampira costume was out; but I also wanted to look pretty, so the Eeyore outfit was out too.  I found the perfect thing on Amazon – a Wonder Woman tshirt, complete with cape and headband.  I decided to put the false eyelashes I wore for Vampira on, too, and I loved the way it looked:

closeup of the makeup

closeup of the makeup

photo 3

I had a great time that night, passing out candy to the tons of kids who showed up at Tinkerbell’s house, spending time with her family and friends, and just enjoying  the evening. One of the best parts of the night was that so many people told me how thin I looked.  People that had seen me just a few weeks ago asked how much more weight I’d lost. I’ve actually stayed the same for the past couple of months, although I do know I’ve lost inches. I also think it was the new (size 10!!) jeans.  It always feels awesome to get complimented about weight loss and looking healthier.

Dating

Thanks for everyone’s positive and encouraging comments about my date with Fireman.  We had a great night, but throughout the week I hadn’t heard too much from him.  The week before he was really attentive via texts and calls, and I knew this week he was on vacation (although he was staying home), so I wasn’t sure if he was just extra  busy.  I heard from him almost everyday, but his texts didn’t have the same flirtation that they had the week before.  And I just knew that something was off, and that probably he’d lost interest.  So finally yesterday I just texted him and asked, and he responded with the fact that he had a great time on our first date, and that he thinks I’m beautiful, BUT (I knew there was a but coming), he just didn’t feel a love  connection and didn’t think he could commit to a second date.  I was disappointed, but since I had the feeling that’s what was going on, I wasn’t surprised.  It’s not so much the fact that this particular guy wasn’t interested, but more the fact that I seem to be so unlucky in love.  I really don’t know what it is.  I know my bold personality isn’t for everyone, but there has to be SOMEone out there who would appreciate it.  As luck would have it, last night seemed to be a busy night for me on eHarmony, with several matches contacting me and wanting to move through the question process.  So, we’ll see.  I’m not going to get overly excited, but I’m going to keep an open mind. Sometimes it’s hard not to lose hope and get depressed, but I’m not into dwelling in that headspace for too long.  I like to look on the brighter side of life, so that’s what I’m going to do.

 November Goals

photo (1)

  • Blog 2-3 times a week, comment on blogs on the days I write
  • Exercise: cardio 6 days a week, toning at least 3 days
  • Continue eating healthy
  • Log food/exercise in MyFitnessPal daily
  • Read 30 minutes a day
  • Run the entire Turkey Trot 5K
  • Go on dates

Read Full Post »

As you guys know, I’m finally ready to start dating, and while I had a great series of dates with TR over the summer, it ended up that we weren’t meant to evolve into a grand romance, despite my hoping that life could imitate a romcom.  I took a couple of months off from online dating, mostly because the new job and the schedule that comes with it was something to get used to. Also because the “matches” in my inbox weren’t all that appealing.

Two weeks ago I decided to join eHarmony.  I’d joined years ago, and didn’t have much luck, but several of my friends had met their special someone on the site, and I figured I’d give it a shot.  It’s a much slower process than Match.com, but I think it’s worth it because it allows you to get beneath the surface with the potential matches.  Long story short, I was contacted by someone who really caught my eye.

Let’s call him Fireman, since that’s what he does.  He is 43 (my same age), good looking, smart, and fun.  He lives about an hour and a half away from me, but that didn’t turn me off, because I really value my independence, and the distance is a built in way for me to maintain it.  He has kids – a son who’s a senior in high school and a daughter who’s in 8th grade.  Dating someone with kids wouldn’t be my first choice, since I don’t want kids of my own, but these are great ages, especially since I get along so well with teens.  Plus, it will be a LONG time before I ever meet anyone’s kids; I feel like it should be a fairly serious relationship before that happens.

Anyway, Fireman and I have a lot in common: we’re both sports fans (although he roots for the wrong teams, LOL), love to read, like to cook, are into fitness and staying healthy, and we actually attended the same college at the same time (although since the school has over 30,000 students, it makes sense that we never ran into each other). I  was drawn to the way he described himself, how he views life, and what he’s looking for in a relationship.  I love that he’s intelligent, has a real zeal for life (as evidenced by his photos of his participation in the Spartan race and sky diving), and his smile is fantastic.  So when he sent me the first 5 questions last week, I answered him quickly.

We moved through eHarmony’s communication steps throughout the day on Tuesday, getting to know each other a bit better with each new step.  Our answers clicked for each other, because before long we were at the eHmail stage, where you can email each other freely, without the prescribed questions.  I sent him my phone number so we could text, and looked forward to hearing from him.  He texted me Tuesday night, but somehow I didn’t hear it come in, so Wednesday was spent texting each other back and forth.

One of the things I really appreciate about Fireman is that he communicates so well. Not just the content of his messages, or the fact that he spells everything correctly (although those are HUGE things for me), but especially the fact that he’s really attentive.  He sent me good morning texts each day, which really made me smile.  And when I sent him a text, he answered pretty quickly.  (One of the things that bothered me about TR was that he would text me a question about making plans, and I’d respond within minutes, then wait for an hour for his response.  It was weird, and helped me realize that I like someone who checks in and sends texts several times a day).  Fireman is great about that, and I love the attention.  It shows he is interested, and I love that feeling that I’ve caught his eye.

Fast forward to him asking when we could meet up on a date.  I’d originally had a Halloween party to go to with the BFF on Saturday, so Fireman and I made plans for Sunday.  I was really excited to wear my Vampira costume to the party, especially because I bought it right off the rack. Not only that, but it was a size MEDIUM!! So when the  BFF texted and said she didn’t think the party was a go, I was really disappointed.  It just so happened that Fireman was texting me at the same time, and I mentioned this to him.  He immediately said, “well then we should find a Halloween party so we can both dress up and wear costumes!”

Can I just say that I love that he 1) didn’t want me to feel disappointed about not getting to wear the Halloween costume so he was coming up with an alternate plan, 2) that he was willing to pull together a last minute  costume so that we could both dress up, and 3) that he wanted to see me sooner rather than later.  He found a Halloween Hornblower cruise around SF Bay sponsored by a local oldies station, and bought our tickets.  I was impressed and excited.

scream

No matter how it ended up, I knew that this first date would go down in the history books for me.  Meeting for the first time in person while all dressed up for Halloween?  Crazy!  He called it “unorthodox,” which I loved.  I’m also really glad I had several pictures of myself looking normal on my eHarmony profile, so that he knew exactly what I looked like before he saw me as Vampira.  LOL.

I’ve never been so excited about getting ready for a Halloween party in my life.  This came with the added excitement of a first date, making it all the more special.  After a few attempts at the gothic makeup I was going for, and trying to figure out how to glue on the false lashes without gluing my eyelids shut, I was really happy with the result:

serious vampira You can’t see it in the pics, but I have on a dark burgandy and black eyeshadow, which went well with the rest of the outfit.  I used black eyeshadow to contour my  cheeks and add a bit of a dead look.  The false lashes looked great, even though they were a pain to put on.  I wore Mac’s Darkside lipstick, along with a Bare Minerals Moxie in Strong as the blood dripping out of the corners of my mouth.  When my nieces and sister saw me, they said I looked spooky and haunting.

vampira smile Not smiling in the previous pic as just a way to make Vampira seem more scary, but you guys know I can’t go long without smiling, so I had to capture this other side of Vampira, too.

To complete the look, I wore my blood-red fake Docs, a great necklace from Bauble Bar, and fishnet stockings:

vampira collage

The shoes were the perfect choice to give the outfit a bit of an unexpected style that’s all my own, and were also practical, because I knew we’d be walking a lot in SF to get to the pier and board the cruise ship.  I was really pleased with the entire effect of the costume, and couldn’t wait to see what Fireman thought of it.

He knew that I was going to be Vampira, and planned his costume around mine, but kept it a secret.  He did ask that brought whatever lipstick I was wearing along, so he could use some.  I was totally intrigued.  When we met up, I was so happy to see that he’d transformed into a Vampire Hunter, complete with fake sword, huge silver cross, and black trench.  What a clever choice of outfit!!  He looked good!  And I could tell that he was really happy with the way I looked in my costume.  The way he looked at me told me that he appreciated the way the costume accentuated my curves.  So when he asked me to give him two kisses, one on the cheek and one on his neck, I gladly obliged.  He’s a smart man to figure out a way to get two smooches from me within minutes of our meeting.  LOL.  It definitely broke the ice, but remained innocent, at the same time.

sf belle

The cruise ship was lit up and looking gorgeous. It was huge, and I couldn’t believe the number of people who had bought tickets for this event. I would say there were 500 or more people on the boat with us.  As we were waiting to board, fireworks were going off on the bay and the Giants scored 4 runs in their World Series game.  If that’s not an indication of a great night ahead, I don’t know what is.  Normally I’d be very concerned about a 3-hour plus first date, but with Fireman, I knew the evening would fly by because we have a lot to talk about and already had an ease between us after our texts and phone calls.

Another thing I really liked about Fireman was his willingness to take photos. I’ve been with lots of guys who are just so weird when it comes to that.  I love that he is outgoing, friendly, and very confident.  We’re a great match in so many ways.  I think it’s clear in this photo:

firstdate

The evening was amazing.  We talked easily, had a great time getting to know each other, and saw some hilarious and horrific costumes.  We danced throughout the night, and our rhythm on the dance floor was unmistakable.  We were so insync, moving together as if we’d been doing it for years, not minutes.  The sparks flew for sure, and the chemistry was obvious.  I liked the way he took my hand and led me through the crowd, protective yet respectful.   It’s hard to describe it, but I knew that I looked good, and the way that he looked at me confirmed it.  He was clearly attracted to me, and wasn’t afraid of glancing admiringly every so often. And yes, for those who are curious, we did share quite a few passionate kisses, which can only be described as thrill-inducing.

When the night ended and he drove me back to my car, we listened to an old Pearl Jam record. One of the cool things about dating someone my same age is that we share so many pop culture memories in common, including grunge music. As we each made our ways home, he was sure to ask me to text him when I got home so he knew I was safe.  And he texted me the next morning (yesterday) telling me that he’d had a great time .  I’m really hopeful that we’ll go out on more dates, but even if we don’t, I can honestly say this was the most unique, fun, and excited first date I’ve ever been on.  Vampira and her Vampire Hunter will be one of my favorite Halloween memories from here on out.

Read Full Post »

ffd3fee9487512360aa2d866d44c01f1

I haven’t spent too much time on this blog talking about my dating life because I didn’t want to “jinx” anything by talking about it too much, and I wanted to keep things to myself until I knew what was going on with TR and me.

As I mentioned briefly at the bottom of another post,  TR and I met on Match.com and were really enjoying going out.  We’d gone on four dates before I left for my teaching conference in Sacramento, and each one was as much fun as the last.  He and I had a ton in common, came from very similar backgrounds, and really liked each other’s company.  He has a dog, and when Sofi met his dog, they were fast friends.

One thing that seemed to be missing was communication when we weren’t with each other, which surprised me, because I consider myself a really independent, confident person.  I enjoy spending time alone, feel great about myself, etc.  Yet I found out that when I’m dating someone, I like for him to text me to let me know he’s thinking of me even when we aren’t together.  For example, I’d text TR “Good morning,” and he wouldn’t respond until much later in the day. Granted, he’s working and I have the summer off, so I totally understand not being able to get right back. But everyone can take 2 seconds and type, “thanks, you too.”  While I was in Sacramento, he didn’t text me once, unless it was in response to a text that I’d sent about the SF Giants game, or the restaurant we’d tried.  (I was trying to check in to see what was going on with “us,” and thought that if I sent “small talk texts” it would help).

One thing my sister pointed out was that TR gives his full attention to whomever he’s with at the time.  When he and I are out on dates, he’s not checking his phone or responding to texts, which I like.  So he definitely could have been very occupied with friends, etc while I was gone.  But it did make me feel insecure that he hadn’t sent one greeting text just to let me know he was thinking of me.

When I got back from Sac, he told me he’d be spending the weekend with his family at his uncle’s beach house, which really disappointed me, since it would be over a week since we’d see each other.  But I tried my best to take it in stride and occupy myself with other things.  Another half a week went by with no real texting.  Until finally, TR called me on Thursday evening.

I was out at a free local music concert and missed his call, which  turned out to be better in the long run.  When we did end up talking on the phone, I knew it wasn’t going to be good.  My intuition told me that he was going to say goodbye.  And I was right.

Without going into too many details, he called to let me know that he’d done a lot of soul searching while I was away.  On our first date the subject of having kids came up, and I said, “I’m not planning on having any kids, given my age, so hopefully that’s not a dealbreaker.”  To which he replied, “not at all.”  He said that he had given it a ton of thought while we were apart, and he was lying to himself and to me when he said that.  He said that he wanted it to be true because he really liked me – “you’re smart, pretty, fun, funny, great personality.  We have so much in common, come from similar families, you’re Italian.  You’re really fantastic. But I do want to have kids. I’m so sorry.”

What can I really say to that?  This is where our age difference plays a factor – I’m 43 and he’ll be 37 in October.  I told him that it was actually a relief to hear that this was the reason why I hadn’t heard much from him because I had thought that he just gotten to know me better and didn’t really like my personality.  And he said, “God no, I love the way you are.”  I told him that of course I was disappointed because I loved spending time with him.  That he was the first guy in so long, but really the first guy that I’ve dated EVER who had every single thing I was looking for in someone.  I told him my feelings had been hurt because I thought he’d just decided I wasn’t the one and he had moved on, and he said, “I’d never do that to you.”

Then he said he’d still like to take me to ride rollercoasters.  I’d explained to him how important that was to me because for years I’d been too big to ride any rides and now I could ride anything I’d want to, but no on else wanted to go with me.  For him to remember that was really special, which I told him.  I think I will ask him to take me to ride the rollercoasters, because although it will be hard to be “just friends” with him, I can’t think of a better person to do that with than him.  He also said he’d love to meet up once or twice a month to go to dinner or something.  I could hear it in his voice that he was really struggling with all of this because he really likes me, but yet he really wants to have kids, too.

Before we ended the call, I told him, “well, just make sure you meet the right person.  Don’t just go with anyone.  You deserve a really GOOD girl.  Wait for her.”  To which he responded, “YOU are a good girl.”

And right there is where my heart broke, the tears flooded my eyes, and I wished him all the best and got off the phone to cry.  The whole thing is just super sad.  It’s so hard to meet the right person at the wrong time.

Part of me hopes (as I alluded to in the title of this post) that life turns out like a romantic comedy.  In fact, the last thing I texted him was:

I really do appreciate you letting me know.  It sucks, because you really have every single quality on my “wish list,” and I loved being with you.  I saw so much potential, but I get it. On the bright side, I’ve seen the movie Serendipity, and you never know what can happen in the future. (If you haven’t seen it, add it to your “must watch” list, along with Into the Wild and Importance of Being a Wallflower).”

He didn’t respond; I didn’t expect him to.  It’s enough that I wrote it.  If I’m honest, I do hope that he dates a few girls, realizes that none of them are as cool/put together/fun/sassy/perfect for him as I am and he changes his mind about the kid thing.  I know it’s a long shot, and I’m not going to hold my breath waiting.  But it sure would be nice, right?

-1I spent most of Friday on the couch feeling sorry for myself, but I am happy to say that I put an email out to my girlfriends about what had happened and that I needed to go out on Friday night.  They were totally there for me, and we hit the town on Friday night.  It was fun, and I’m glad that I didn’t spend Friday night wallowing.  I did, however spend all day and night Saturday back on the couch, partly because I was hungover, partly because I was sad.  Yesterday I had fun plans with Tinkerbell for her birthday, which was great.  My pity party was over, and I was moving on with my life.

Watch out, guys!

Watch out, guys!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,070 other followers

%d bloggers like this: