Posts Tagged ‘failure’

My first team practice with Team in Training is this Wednesday from 6:30-8pm and I’m worried.  I’m afraid that I’m not going to be able to do this walk, and I think this is more than just nerves.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have a real problem with walking.  Not walking around on a normal, daily basis, but fitness walking.  Whenever I try to go at a good pace (say 3.3 or more on the treadmill pace), I get terrible cramps in my calves, pain in my shins, and a numbness that starts in my toes and travels up to my legs.  And it’s not because of a lack of hydration or a lack of potassium; this happens no matter how many bananas I eat or how much water I drink.  When I did the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, the pain I was in was almost as bad as the frustration I felt.

What I mean is, I have the DESIRE to do more, to go faster, to push farther, but my body simply CAN’T when I’m walking.  If I’m biking or on the elliptical machine or doing workout DVDs, I can push hard.  I’m not saying I’m athletic by any means, but I am getting fitter and fitter every day.

Except when I walk.  When I walk I feel as if I weigh 100 pounds more than I do and am at least 25 years older than I am.  I feel helpless, useless, and so out of shape.  It’s not that I’m out of breath, because I can’t walk fast enough to really get my heart pumping or my breath to quicken.

So does it make sense for me to sign up to walk a half marathon?  I know that Team in Training offers tons of support in the form of mentors and coaches, but is this really something I can do?  Am I setting myself up for failure before I even begin?

I absolutely hate failing at things.  I can’t stand it.  I love to challenge myself and am used to being able to complete the tasks I set before myself.  Hard work and perseverance are my trademarks.  But with fitness walking, all my hard work and perseverance don’t seem to help one bit.

I was talking all of this over with my parents tonight, and my dad said that he thinks I may have some sort of nerve damage that shows up with my heel is impacted.  He said the reason I don’t feel this pain, cramping, and numbness when I bike or do the elliptical machine is because it doesn’t impact my heels.

Right now my plan is to go to the team practice on Wednesday and see what happens.  But if it’s just not realistic for me to complete even a simple practice, I’m going to allow myself to bow out of this gracefully.  I will consider the $100 registration fee that I have already paid out to be a donation to a very worthy cause and move on.

Thoughts?  Ideas?  I’m not really looking for words of encouragement, because I’m really motivated.  I’m looking for any tips or information you may have to share that might give me some insight into why this is happening.


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