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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

I find it incredibly ironic that on the same day that I can proudly post 25 pounds gone, I also have a confession to make.

Some of you might’ve seen the writing on the wall.  I know that I did, in a subconscious way.  First I wrote last week about being bored.  Then I indulged in a glass of wine at Sunday dinner at my parents’ house.  Add to that some financial strain that’s going to occur next month, and the fact that my house seems so alone without Lulu.  And yesterday I told LC that I was really craving McDonalds, but she discouraged me, telling me how sick I would get.  And then I went to Target to pick up a few household essentials, along with a bunch of junk food.

I filled my cart with Tater Tots, hot dogs,  TGIF sliders, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and ice cream. But this episode was different from any other “binge” I’ve ever had.  I had one slider, about a cup of Tater Tots, 2 cookies, 1 hot dog, and less than a 1/4 of the pint of ice cream.  Somewhere in between bites of the junk I realized a few things:

  1. It didn’t taste that great. In fact, it was pretty gross.
  2. I didn’t want to completely screw up all the progress I have been making.
  3. I was feeling literally sick to my stomach after just a bit of it.
  4. I was disgusted with this addict behavior.
  5. I was so physically uncomfortable that I just had to STOP.

I literally had a bit of each thing and then just threw it all out.  And then I threw out all that was leftover in the fridge and freezer.  I’ve never stopped myself like that before. So this is progress.

The other big sign of improvement is that I’m sharing this with you.  In the past whenever I’ve binged I kept it to myself, or possibly told Scale Warfare about it, but that was it.  And it would’ve been easy for me to just avoid this blog.  I thought about it, asked SW about it, and then followed her advice (and my own gut) and decided to lay it all out here.  Because if this blog is my chronicle of my journey to health then I have to be honest about time times I stumble along the way.

And that’s exactly what I’m considering last night – a brief stumble.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  In fact, I’m actually glad that it happened, in a weird sort of way.  It shows me that I’m still working through things.  That sometimes I will still turn to food.  But that I am in control of what I do.  And that I have enough sense to prevent major damage and derailment of all that I’ve accomplished.

This morning is a brand new day.  Last night is behind me, and I am not  going to dwell on it.  Today I am going to be on plan and back to it.  I have a friend coming over with her new puppy, which will be fun.  Then I have a bunch of other errands to do, and so I’ll be busy.  And I’m planning on ending the day with some time at the gym with LC.

Tomorrow the scale is going on Spring Break along with me.  You might call it avoidance (and you might be right), but I call it giving myself a pass.  I know it’s likely to be ugly, and rather than feel bad about myself, I’m just going to give myself this week off and make sure that next week I see really good numbers.

As Tina pointed out in her comment, I used to avoid the scale all the time whenever I’d have a bad week.  And if I do that again, that would be feeding that pattern of behavior.  So, here’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to get on the scale tomorrow, but I’m not going to make the weigh-in post public.  That way, I know where I stand and I’ll know what I have to do to move forward, but I can keep the info private.  So tomorrow’s blog post is going to be password protected, and only I’ll have the PW.  That way, I can still keep a record of what happened, but I’m the only one who will know the results.  Because I’ve made progress, but I guess haven’t made enough progress to post a gain on here right now.

I hope you all have a great week –  I know I will.
My attitude will lead my actions and my actions determine my success.

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istockphoto_8919854-curfew

Before I install a lock on my fridge, I thought I’d come to you for some help.  I need some support and suggestions, guys.  Much of this post is going to be a bit stream-of-consciousness, so I hope you can follow me.

I know I can do better with my food.  It must be obvious to you guys, as well.  Anyone who is working out as much as I am (3-4 times a week, at least, an hour each time) should be losing more weight than I have been.  During the summer it was because of an adverse reaction to medication, but since then, I should have shown bigger numbers on the scale each week.  The reason why I haven’t is because I’ve been eating too much at night.  Call it stress eating, call it emotional eating, call it binge eating.  The point is, at night I seem to have something take over me and I feel like a serious food addict.

It’s strange because when I was doing the fasting, or when I was on Medifast, I didn’t “cheat” at all.  I never overate.  I stuck to the 500 or 800 calories a day and was fine with it.  (Well, it was f-ing up my metabolism, but I wasn’t eating more than they prescribed).  Now that I can eat whatever I want to (as long as I fall within my points), I’m doing terribly.  I do well all day and even at dinner, but once the nighttime hits, I’m like a caged animal that has finally been set free.  I’m not even hungry, but there is this insatiable need to eat and eat and eat.

So it’s time that I take real control of myself.  If I can do it on an extreme diet, why can’t I do it when I’m eating in a healthy way?  Why is it so difficult for me to stop myself from overeating at night?  I know that I’m not alone in this, and I’d love for you to give me any pointers that you might have.  I know that one big culprit is probably watching too much t.v. at night.  The thing is, I love certain shows on t.v. and do not want to give up watching them.  The evening after dinner is the only time I have to really unwind.  But maybe I can do something so that t.v. time doesn’t equal eating time.

One thing I know I can do is to stop eating dinner in front of the t.v.  I do it far too often, and even though that’s guideline #1 on most diet plans, I’ve fallen into that habit.  Mostly because I like the “company” the t.v. offers.  Since I’m single and live alone, it’s nice to have the t.v. on when I eat so that I have some sort of entertainment.  But I know that I don’t have to.  I can eat dinner in my cozy breakfast nook while reading a magazine (I have so many that I need to catch up on) or a book (lots of those, too).  Plus, if I eat in the other room, it’s right next to the kitchen, making clean up easier.

Ok, so solution #1 is to stop eating anything in the living room (where the t.v. is).  The only thing I’m going to allow myself to have in this room is some sort of drink – water, tea, coffee.  No more eating meals in front of the t.v.

The second thing I need is some new meal plans.  I have loads of cookbooks that I should go through to get inspired, but I never seem to have the time.  So starting this week, I’m going to use a half hour of my evening after dinner to find at least one new recipe.  I think breaking it up in smaller bits like this will actually help me accomplish more than if I try to devote 2-3 hours at a time.  Little steps.

This is also where you can come in.  I need ideas for all meals because I’m getting bored of my usual food.  Please post meal plans in the comments, and be as specific as you can.  Exactly what you ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks on a given day.  That will really help me.  If some of you have a new recipe that you’ve tried recently, could you post about it and send me the link in the comments?

I need to get serious here.  There are only 9 weeks left in this year, and I want to show some sort of positive momentum going into  the new year. That’s what my Countdown to Christmas Challenge is about.  That’s what this post is about.  I’m “coming clean” about overeating at night because I need your help and admitting the problem is the first step.

iStock_000004917602XSmall Please help me feel more like this.

 

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