When I left the doctor’s office on Friday, I really didn’t know how to feel. Part of me was relieved that I wouldn’t have to attempt the 10-mile walk on Saturday, because I was feeling very unprepared to try to walk that distance. Especially considering the numbness was occurring at the 1 1/2 to 2 mile mark.
I realized that I really had to stop pushing myself so hard and I needed to really listen to my body. The thing is, I always push myself to accomplish anything I attempt, and I’m usually successful. I put a ton of pressure on myself in everything I do, and it usually pays off.
This time, though, pushing myself isn’t working. And to be honest, I’m not really pushing myself physically. At least, not with the OYO trainings. I’m not doing them. But the reason I’m not doing them is because the Wednesday track practices and the Saturday Coach and Mentor-led walks are so painful. If they weren’t so difficult for me to complete, I think I’d be in a better place mentally. Mentally, I am really being hard on myself. I still hate the fact that I’m so slow and not seeing any progress. That I feel so weak when I feel the pain. I feel like I should be able to push through it, but I simply can’t. Plus, the numbness is really scary.
So I’ve decided that I’m going to put the TNT trainings on hold until I find out exactly what’s going on. On Friday evening, I still thought that I would somehow be able to participate in the San Diego Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon. I don’t want to say anymore, because I don’t want to get ahead of myself.
I will say that I am feeling really frustrated, discouraged, and unhappy. It sucks to set a goal for yourself and feel like you can’t accomplish it.