The distance is nothing. It’s only the first step that’s important.” – Marquise Du Deffand
Tonight I had another TNT track training. Forget the fact that it was drizzly outside, I wasn’t looking forward to tonight’s practice because they were going to time it. They said they wanted to get our baseline beginning speeds.
Ugh. It was reminiscent of jr. high gym class when you had to be in relay teams.
The whole time I was walking the mile, I kept saying to myself, “I hope I’m not last, I hope I’m not last.” I was pushing myself to go as fast as I could go without having too much pain. They told us what our time was at each lap, and and each lap I lost a bit more speed.
As I rounded the 4th lap, the one-mile finish line, I was dead last. By a lot. My time was 18:59, which is actually a really good time for me. But I was LAST. Everyone cheered me on and told me how great I did. “Lookin’ good.” “Way to go, Bella!” “You look beautiful out there – great arms!” They complimented my “sticktoitiveness” and asked how my feet were doing. (No swelling tonight, thank goodness). No matter what accolades they gave me, I just kept thinking to myself, “you lost, you came in last.”
Then I did the cool down lap and got very emotional halfway through. As the tears formed, I thought of my uncle, in whose honor I’m doing the race. I also thought of all the people that have contributed money in support of my goal of competing in the half marathon. I reminded myself that no matter how far behind the others I was tonight, I was a lot faster than I’ve been before. So many people are supporting me in this effort through their donations and through their good thoughts, and I don’t want to let them down. I won’t let them down by coming in last at a practice, I’ll let them down if I let negative thoughts derail my progress.
I spoke to my parents on my way home in the car, and both of them were impressed with my time. When I broke down crying, complaining about the fact that I was last (I know, I know, can I get any more like a jr. high kid?) they both told me to stop it. That I should be so proud of myself, because they were proud of me, and that there was no where to go but up. Which is so true.
My time tonight was much better than my time on Saturday, and the more I practice, the more I will improve. I really have to try not to let this get to me as much as it does. I need to let my competitive side work for me, not against me. The people who are practicing with me might be twice my age, but all of them are far more fit than I am, and many of them have trained for numerous other races. I’m a beginner, and I can’t expect to be perfect out of the gate.
I walked two miles tonight; two Wednesdays ago I wasn’t walking at all. That’s awesome progress, if you think about it!
As the quote says, the first step is what’s important. Tonight was my first step, and even if I keep coming in last, as long as I complete the task in front of me, I have to be proud I took it.
Bella on the Beach 