Yesterday my grandmother passed away and since then I’ve been in a very strange mindset. I’m sad, but relieved, and happy that her pain is over; both mentally and physically. My grandmother lived her life regretting so much and feeling embittered for those regrets, and if I have learned nothing else from her, it is that I don’t want to do the same thing.
This morning as I’ve been reflecting on everything and I’ve come to really, truly realize how precious this life is. Not in a Hallmark card sort of way, but I’ve really FELT it. I know we all know how short life is, but today it really struck me that I need to stop spinning my wheels and wasting my life being fat and really get myself in gear and live the life I am meant to have.
My grandmother always told me how pretty I was (complimenting me on my skin, my application of eyeliner, etc.), but I also know that she always wished I was at a healthier weight. For my appearance, sure, but also so that I wouldn’t have health problems. Toward the end of her life my grandmother always talked about the importance of being healthy. And while she was never overweight, she didn’t lead an active lifestyle and I do believe that that contributed to many of her health problems (and issues of depression) later in life.
So I’m going to take these lessons and really put them into action. I don’t want to live a life that isn’t all that it could have been. I want to make sure that I am making each day count, that I am appreciating the gift that is life and family and friends, and the best way for me to show my gratitude for all the blessings I have is to take control of my health. No more half-assed, pussy footing around weight loss for me. I’m really going to act as if my life depends on losing weight, because it does.
I’ve been really sick with a terrible cold all week so I haven’t made it to any of the workouts I had planned earlier in the week, but I have been doing well on food, and I AM going to a WW meeting tomorrow, despite everything else that’s going on. I need to, and I don’t want to put it off any longer.
That it will never come again
Is what makes life so sweet.
~Emily Dickinson
Bella on the Beach 