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Posts Tagged ‘lifestyle change’

For the month of December, I’ll be participating in Reverb 10. Each day gives a new prompt, which is a chance to reflect on 2010 and manifest what’s next in 2011.

December 17 – Lesson Learned
What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

Narrowing this down to just one thing was really difficult, because this blog (and your reader comments) allow me to learn so much about myself on an almost daily basis.

I guess the thing that I had hoped I knew about myself that I’ve actually shown myself to be true is that I am a really caring person.  And I’m not saying that to make myself sound wonderful.  It’s one of those things that you hope about yourself, but you’re never sure is true until you’re faced with the situations to prove it.  And I’m happy that I’ve had this fact confirmed in a few ways recently.

Since I’ve lived by myself for so long, I was the only person I had to worry about most of the time.  I didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself, and I was able to come and go as I pleased.  Stay out as late as I wanted.  You get the drill – I was a self-sufficient, independent woman who enjoyed her single life.

But so often I felt like something was missing, and so in June when Lulu finally arrived, it was a huge transition for me to make – to be responsible for another life.   To worry about how late I was out, when I’d get home, how long I’d been  gone, etc.  It meant that I had veterinary bills to pay, flea medications to buy, and dog food to stock up on.  But along with the “have to” also came the “get to.” Because I get to come home to this most amazing creature who thinks the sun rises and sets with me.  Who depends on me for everything and whom I love more than I thought possible.  I know I’ve become a better person because I’ve had her in my life.

And in 2011, I’m going to be able to take this caring for someone besides myself to a whole new level.  Beginning the week after next, I’m going to have my sister and my nieces in my life on a daily basis.  In order to help my sister save money on daycare and to be there to support her, I told her I’d watch the girls (ages 8 and 3 1/2) three days a week from 3:30-6:30.  Which means a significant lifestyle change for me, but it also means that I’m going to get so much back from them.  Their faces lit up when they heard we’d be spending so much time together on a regular basis, which made me feel great.  I’m really looking forward to getting to know my nieces on a much deeper level, and vice versa.  I’m looking forward to having a major impact on their lives.  And I’m looking forward to being changed for the better because of them.

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I must admit, today I’m not feeling it.  At all.  I’m not sure exactly what put me in this funk.  Sure, I could blame it on PMS, but really, that’s not the problem. 

The problem is something that Scale Warfare alluded to in one of her recent comments.  It’s the fact that once I start seeing success on the scale, however minor it is, it’s like something is triggered in me to sabotage myself.  I have no idea why.  She said that she thinks she may be afraid of success.  I don’t know if that’s what it is with me, but that does make sense. 

The thing is, even though I know exactly what I should be doing in order to successfully lose weight, it feels like I can only stick to it for a couple of weeks at a time.  Especially when my life is busy and I have other things going on.  In the summer when I have nothing else to really focus on, I can keep my attention on weight loss and do well, which is why I always lose more weight in the summer.  But when I’mworking and have a million other things on my mind, it’s like I can’t keep myself from going off track.  It’s frustrating, because I want to succeed and reach my goal weight so much, but I keep preventing myself from doing it.

I haven’t always been this way.  In the past, even as recently as two years ago, I could stick to a very strict diet and lose weight.  But that was probably because I knew that there it was going to be over at some point.  I’d eventually stop eating the Jenny Craig food, or stop drinking the fasting shakes.  It wasn’t a permanent lifestyle change.  And I think that’s the key right there.

I need to somehow figure out how to make this healthy eating lifestyle change permanent. It needs to be sustainable long term.  I need to get out of the habit of thinking that I only need to stick with it for a certain length of time, because that’s not realistic for weight loss success. 

And perhaps, I also need to allow myself to realize that because I am human, and this is for life, there are going to be times when I will gain weight and get off track.  I’m always so hard on myself when I get off track, and it leads to me giving up for a few days.  Then I finally snap out of it, but I get pissed that I’ve once again allowed myself to take 10 steps back.  I think I’m going to try to just accept it when I get off track for a day or two and focus on getting back to my healthy lifestyle as quickly as possible.  Bounce back, so to speak.

Thanks for letting me “write it out” in this HYC Update today.  I really needed to work this stuff out in my head, and writing a post has become the best way for me to do that.

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