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Posts Tagged ‘looking forward.’

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

I find it incredibly ironic that on the same day that I can proudly post 25 pounds gone, I also have a confession to make.

Some of you might’ve seen the writing on the wall.  I know that I did, in a subconscious way.  First I wrote last week about being bored.  Then I indulged in a glass of wine at Sunday dinner at my parents’ house.  Add to that some financial strain that’s going to occur next month, and the fact that my house seems so alone without Lulu.  And yesterday I told LC that I was really craving McDonalds, but she discouraged me, telling me how sick I would get.  And then I went to Target to pick up a few household essentials, along with a bunch of junk food.

I filled my cart with Tater Tots, hot dogs,  TGIF sliders, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and ice cream. But this episode was different from any other “binge” I’ve ever had.  I had one slider, about a cup of Tater Tots, 2 cookies, 1 hot dog, and less than a 1/4 of the pint of ice cream.  Somewhere in between bites of the junk I realized a few things:

  1. It didn’t taste that great. In fact, it was pretty gross.
  2. I didn’t want to completely screw up all the progress I have been making.
  3. I was feeling literally sick to my stomach after just a bit of it.
  4. I was disgusted with this addict behavior.
  5. I was so physically uncomfortable that I just had to STOP.

I literally had a bit of each thing and then just threw it all out.  And then I threw out all that was leftover in the fridge and freezer.  I’ve never stopped myself like that before. So this is progress.

The other big sign of improvement is that I’m sharing this with you.  In the past whenever I’ve binged I kept it to myself, or possibly told Scale Warfare about it, but that was it.  And it would’ve been easy for me to just avoid this blog.  I thought about it, asked SW about it, and then followed her advice (and my own gut) and decided to lay it all out here.  Because if this blog is my chronicle of my journey to health then I have to be honest about time times I stumble along the way.

And that’s exactly what I’m considering last night – a brief stumble.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  In fact, I’m actually glad that it happened, in a weird sort of way.  It shows me that I’m still working through things.  That sometimes I will still turn to food.  But that I am in control of what I do.  And that I have enough sense to prevent major damage and derailment of all that I’ve accomplished.

This morning is a brand new day.  Last night is behind me, and I am not  going to dwell on it.  Today I am going to be on plan and back to it.  I have a friend coming over with her new puppy, which will be fun.  Then I have a bunch of other errands to do, and so I’ll be busy.  And I’m planning on ending the day with some time at the gym with LC.

Tomorrow the scale is going on Spring Break along with me.  You might call it avoidance (and you might be right), but I call it giving myself a pass.  I know it’s likely to be ugly, and rather than feel bad about myself, I’m just going to give myself this week off and make sure that next week I see really good numbers.

As Tina pointed out in her comment, I used to avoid the scale all the time whenever I’d have a bad week.  And if I do that again, that would be feeding that pattern of behavior.  So, here’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to get on the scale tomorrow, but I’m not going to make the weigh-in post public.  That way, I know where I stand and I’ll know what I have to do to move forward, but I can keep the info private.  So tomorrow’s blog post is going to be password protected, and only I’ll have the PW.  That way, I can still keep a record of what happened, but I’m the only one who will know the results.  Because I’ve made progress, but I guess haven’t made enough progress to post a gain on here right now.

I hope you all have a great week –  I know I will.
My attitude will lead my actions and my actions determine my success.

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I have a habit of looking ahead. Of finding some goal in the future and putting all of my efforts towards achieving it. I do it in all aspects of my life: vacations, work, graduation, and now I’m realizing, with my weight loss, too.

Ever since the idea of trying the medical fasting shakes was introduced to me by Bliss, I’ve slacked on SBD ever so slightly. I’m still following it for the most part, but I’m not quite as diligent as I was before. Not that I’m eating tons of bread and potatoes, because I’m not. I still bring healthy food for lunch and eat a sensible dinner. Breakfast is always a challenge for me, because I seem to wake up in just enough time to shower and get ready, leaving almost no time to eat. Most days I do bring something to school that I can eat when I get there, so it works.

But I guess the main thing has been in weighing myself regularly. I haven’t been weighing myself at all. Partly because I’m looking forward to losing a lot of weight on the fasting program. Partly because I know that my slacking may not show me the results that I’m looking for. So, I’m avoiding the scale. My clothes are still fitting looser, and I have been getting compliments from colleagues about my weight loss, so I think I’m still losing, but I’m not addicted to seeing that number on the scale right now.

I don’t want to sabotage the weight I could be losing in these next few weeks, and I don’t think I am. But maybe after a few months of being hard core with my diet, I deserve a bit of a break? I don’t know, but it seems as if I’m taking it. From the scale, anyway. Who knows, I may jump on the scale and be completely surprised (in a good way) by the number I find.

The other thing I’ve been slacking on big time is working out. Ugh. Why is it such a struggle? I actually enjoy it when I get there, but getting there seems to be the biggest problem for me right now. I seem to tell myself that if I don’t go in the morning, I won’t be able to go at all, and that’s simply not the case. I could very easily go after work. I should go after work, because working out is a great stress reliever, and a good way for me to get myself on track before I settle in for the evening.

This week I’m going to commit to going to work out 4 times this week. If not in the morning, then after school. I know I can do it. If I’m allowing myself to slack off from getting on the scale, the least I can do is make myself workout.

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Today I weighed in, and I’ve lost 7.7 lbs this first week! This is more than I’ve ever lost on any diet in one week, and I’m really proud of myself for sticking to it.

The toughest thing for me has been the breakfasts. I used to have an English muffin with peanut butter, a banana, and a yogurt almost every morning. It was a great way to start the day. Well, except for those nasty carbs, I guess. This week I ate egg muffins (mini quiche without the crust), and they weren’t terrible, but I didn’t look forward to eating them. I have loved drinking the V-8 each morning, and since it has loads of potassium, I’ve got to make sure to have plenty of it on hand. Two of the days I just couldn’t think about eating any more eggs, so I had two portions of string cheese. It didn’t hold me as well, but I liked the way it tasted better. I do think it led to some digestion problems that I had later in the week, though. So, the new goal for this upcoming week is to find some other options for breakfast. BeachGirly mentioned Jenny-O sausage links — that might be a good option. To be honest, I can’t wait until I can have oatmeal for breakfast in Phase 2. I love oatmeal, and it seems like a better way for me to start my day.

Lunches and dinners have been a breeze. I’ve been careful to buy and prepare it ahead of time so there would be no excuse to get fast food or make some other unhealthy choice. I had fun buying the food and thinking of ways to make it, although I will say that I most of the dinners were fairly boring in preparation. I didn’t use a ton of spices or other fun ingredients that might’ve added a bit of pep to the dish. Again, something to work on for this next week.

All in all, I’ve really enjoyed SBD. I don’t think it’s expensive — in fact, it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than the Dream Dinners I was doing before this. Veggies and “good for you foods” are more expensive than junk food, to be sure, but I think if you make them economically, it doesn’t have to break the bank. Plus, this is A LOT cheaper than Jenny Craig, and I like that it’s real food.

I am looking forward to Phase 2 when I’ll be able to incorporate more fruits and some whole grains back into my diet. Oh, and the occasional glass of wine. In fact, I was going to see if BeachGirly and CCLuv wanted to go to the wine bar not far from our houses to celebrate being in Phase 2 sometime the week after next. We’ll see.

I’m glad I made the decision to go on SB. It seems to be really working well for me, and I feel like it’s a program I can live with. No counting points, just eating the right combination of low glycemic foods and being mindful of the amount of carbs/sugars.

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