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Posts Tagged ‘moving on’

I knew this morning that as much as I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best, it just wasn’t going to be pretty on the scale. I did my best with exercise during the week, but since the doctor told me to stick to low/no impact workouts, I had to cut the classes out completely. And as many calories as I burn swimming, it’s not the same as when I am sweating and pushing myself in Zumba or Turbo Kick, etc. (I will say that the rest has helped and my back isn’t hurt at all, so it does make me think that I need to make sure that for every “hardcore” class I take I spend the next day doing something lighter).  And then I made a poor choice on Monday night, and the rest, as they say, is history.

20110727-081535.jpg Which means I gained 2.8 pounds this week, for a total loss of 17 pounds.  The only good thing about that photo is that I got a pedicure on Friday, so my toes look nice.  🙂

I’m not going to focus on the negative here, because that really doesn’t do any good.  What I am going to say is that I gained weight because of choices I made, pure and simple.  And if I want to get the weight off and qualify for the VSG surgery, it’s going to happen based on choices I make, as well.  So instead of grabbing for something that satisfies a short term craving, I have to take a minute and remind myself what I’m doing all of this for.  Otherwise it’s going to be an endless up and down roller  coaster that I’ve been on countless times in the past.  And instead of riding the weight loss journey roller coaster, I want to lose enough weight that I can go on an actual roller coaster someday soon.

In general I make good food choices because I try not to keep tempting treats in the house (the No Pudge Brownies were an anomaly that will not return to my cupboards).  I have learned so much about myself in this past year and I know that I don’t want to completely deny myself those kinds of foods, but I also know that I can’t have them in bulk in the house.  So if I want a cupcake/brownie/cookie, I’m going to have it when I’m in a social setting, but not buy them in large quantities.  I’m going to try to be more European in that mindset – buy a delicious delicacy from the bakery and bring home a single size serving and enjoy it to the fullest, but know that when it’s gone, it’s gone.  That way, I’m truly indulging but I’m also not setting myself up for failure by going overboard.

As I mentioned yesterday, when I’m working out and giving it my all in that area, it definitely carries over into my food choices. So here’s my workout plan for the remainder of the week, through the weekend:

Wednesday: swimming
Thursday: Spinning (6pm) (attempting again to take my first-ever class)****
Friday: Swimming, Zumba (6pm)
Saturday: Long bike ride
Sunday: Walking (around San Fran, with my sister)

That’s my plan and I’m going to stick to it.  You can follow me on Twitter to catch my tweets about exercises (or just read them in the sidebar of this blog).

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

I find it incredibly ironic that on the same day that I can proudly post 25 pounds gone, I also have a confession to make.

Some of you might’ve seen the writing on the wall.  I know that I did, in a subconscious way.  First I wrote last week about being bored.  Then I indulged in a glass of wine at Sunday dinner at my parents’ house.  Add to that some financial strain that’s going to occur next month, and the fact that my house seems so alone without Lulu.  And yesterday I told LC that I was really craving McDonalds, but she discouraged me, telling me how sick I would get.  And then I went to Target to pick up a few household essentials, along with a bunch of junk food.

I filled my cart with Tater Tots, hot dogs,  TGIF sliders, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and ice cream. But this episode was different from any other “binge” I’ve ever had.  I had one slider, about a cup of Tater Tots, 2 cookies, 1 hot dog, and less than a 1/4 of the pint of ice cream.  Somewhere in between bites of the junk I realized a few things:

  1. It didn’t taste that great. In fact, it was pretty gross.
  2. I didn’t want to completely screw up all the progress I have been making.
  3. I was feeling literally sick to my stomach after just a bit of it.
  4. I was disgusted with this addict behavior.
  5. I was so physically uncomfortable that I just had to STOP.

I literally had a bit of each thing and then just threw it all out.  And then I threw out all that was leftover in the fridge and freezer.  I’ve never stopped myself like that before. So this is progress.

The other big sign of improvement is that I’m sharing this with you.  In the past whenever I’ve binged I kept it to myself, or possibly told Scale Warfare about it, but that was it.  And it would’ve been easy for me to just avoid this blog.  I thought about it, asked SW about it, and then followed her advice (and my own gut) and decided to lay it all out here.  Because if this blog is my chronicle of my journey to health then I have to be honest about time times I stumble along the way.

And that’s exactly what I’m considering last night – a brief stumble.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  In fact, I’m actually glad that it happened, in a weird sort of way.  It shows me that I’m still working through things.  That sometimes I will still turn to food.  But that I am in control of what I do.  And that I have enough sense to prevent major damage and derailment of all that I’ve accomplished.

This morning is a brand new day.  Last night is behind me, and I am not  going to dwell on it.  Today I am going to be on plan and back to it.  I have a friend coming over with her new puppy, which will be fun.  Then I have a bunch of other errands to do, and so I’ll be busy.  And I’m planning on ending the day with some time at the gym with LC.

Tomorrow the scale is going on Spring Break along with me.  You might call it avoidance (and you might be right), but I call it giving myself a pass.  I know it’s likely to be ugly, and rather than feel bad about myself, I’m just going to give myself this week off and make sure that next week I see really good numbers.

As Tina pointed out in her comment, I used to avoid the scale all the time whenever I’d have a bad week.  And if I do that again, that would be feeding that pattern of behavior.  So, here’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to get on the scale tomorrow, but I’m not going to make the weigh-in post public.  That way, I know where I stand and I’ll know what I have to do to move forward, but I can keep the info private.  So tomorrow’s blog post is going to be password protected, and only I’ll have the PW.  That way, I can still keep a record of what happened, but I’m the only one who will know the results.  Because I’ve made progress, but I guess haven’t made enough progress to post a gain on here right now.

I hope you all have a great week –  I know I will.
My attitude will lead my actions and my actions determine my success.

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