These are the questions I’ve been asking myself.
I’ve had a bad couple of days. BAD. But the good thing is that I’m back on track now and things are looking up. But let me tell you what happened.
Monday I went to an aqua aerobics class with Ish, which was nice. The instructor kept us moving the entire time, and although the moves were basic, I was really working hard because she didn’t give us any breaks in between. Ish thought this might have been because the instructor wasn’t actually in the pool with us due to an elbow injury. It’s kind of cool that she usually goes in the pool and does the moves with them; all the instructors at 24 Hour stay on the pool deck. Anyway, after the workout and a dip in the hot tub, we showered, changed, and were famished.
We headed to Willow Street Pizza and got an amazing salad. I think I mentioned it in my last post, but just in case, it was a summer salad special – grilled skirt steak, goat cheese, and peaches over mixed greens with a balsamic marinade. So delicious! I’m definitely going to make it again at home. It wasn’t too bad points-wise, because it was about 4 oz of lean steak, 1 peach, about an once of goat cheese, and the marinade was balsamic vinegar. Sooo, so good.
During dinner I was telling Ish how frustrated I was about this non-weight loss summer. I know that I shouldn’t get so caught up in what the scale says, but dammit, I wish it was showing how much hard work I’ve been putting in. Ish told me again that she had a 6-month long plateau and then dropped 10 lbs in one week. It does give me hope. She said that she had been following Jenny Craig religiously, working out 5-6 days a week, and it wasn’t moving. One night she went to a baseball game with her hubby and just said, F-it. She had a hotdog, many beers, and other junk food. She thought she was going to pay for it on the scale at her next weigh-in, but that next weigh in was the one in which she lost the 10 lbs. She said she felt like she had shocked her system with a really high calorie day, and it finally all clicked. Then she started following JC again and kept losing consistently.
So I had that story in the back of my mind on Tuesday. Tuesday was a crazy day for me, and I didn’t even have time to eat lunch, which is something I NEVER do. I did bring a string cheese and a 2-point bar with me to school, but that wasn’t enough by far. I was at school until 5:30 with the journalism kids, and by the time I left, I had only had 8 points all day. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
When I was driving home I was thinking to myself, “you know, Ish ate that junk food and it helped her shock her system. Maybe you should go through the McDonald’s drive thru and do the same thing.” Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But I did it anyway. I ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries, and of course a diet coke. (I don’t like regular soda). I figured if I’m going to try this theory out, I might as well go big. Ugh. I came home and ate it, and enjoyed it but thought that it was such a dumb thing to do two days before weigh-in day. I spent the rest of the night watching Weeds, which I’d never seen. I love it! And by the rest of the night, I mean that I was up until 3:30am watching it. I was watching season 1 and 2 on the Netflix “watch instantly” queue. I loved the show, but I seriously felt as if I had smoked some weed (which I didn’t!) because I got a case of the munchies. I wanted to eat anything and everything I could. Yes, the food was all good-for-you food, but in those portions, nothing is that good for you.
Then I spent a good part of the rest of the night in the bathroom with stomach issues because of the greasy food. Ugh. I was supposed to go to a training session at 10am on Wednesday, but I knew that I wasn’t going to make it since I was feeling so sick and didn’t get much sleep (maybe 3 hours?) the night before. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Yesterday I didn’t do much at all. It was like I couldn’t drag myself out of the cycle of overeating. I watched more Weeds and spent a lot more time in the bathroom. It was seriously bad. I felt so mad at myself because I was sabotating myself. Why did I do that? I guess all of the pent-up frustration just finally got to me.
This morning I weighed myself at home, and it seems like I’m up 2 pounds, although my scale at home is a bit higher than the one at WW. And no, I didn’t go to WW, even though I know I should’ve. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was just feeling so guilty about everything, and I didn’t want to walk in and face them and the scale, knowing that it was going to show another gain.
What I did do was tell myself that 2 bad days doesn’t destroy everything I’ve done for the last 2 months. I had a slip-up, but I didn’t fail. I can start over, which is exactly what I did this morning. I had a great breakfast, and I am going to spend the rest of today cleaning up this house. For some reason, overeating and letting the housework go seem to go hand and hand for me. I hate the way the house looks right now, and I’m about to start cleaning it up after I finish writing. I know I’ll feel so much better once the house is back in order and I feel more in control. I’m thinking I’m also going to clean the refrigerator and pantry. Really go through and reorganize things so that when I go to the grocery store I can know what I need.
Tonight I’m also going to my first Zumba class, which I am really looking forward to. I’ll definitely post more about that tomorrow.
All in all, I had a rough patch, but rather than letting it get me completely off track, I acknowledged my mistake and picked myself right back up. I guess that’s the lesson in all of this. It was stupid of me to allow myself to get out of control, but it’s over. It’s done. I’ve forgiven myself and I’m moving on. That’s what’s important.