#WEverb11, Day 3: Learn

For the month of December, I’ll be participating in #WEverb11. Each day gives a new prompt, each of which is a chance to reflect and look forward.

December 3: Learn
What lesson did you learn in 2011 from “The School of Life” rather than a classroom?  Contributed by Julie Jordan Scott.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a hard one for me because I feel like I learn a lot of little lessons about life on a daily basis, but if I had to choose one thing that really sticks out to me, I’d say that the biggest lesson I learned was why I turn to food for comfort.

I don’t want to get into all of the details, because those are really personal, even for this blog, where it seems that nothing is off limits.  Suffice it to say that after some very emotional situations in my mid-20s, I started to turn to food to soothe myself.  I ate to feel better, to numb the emotional pain.  I ate when I was bored because I didn’t have anything to do or anyone to do it with.  I ate because it became a  habit.  I ate when I was upset, stressed, happy.  I ate because I was “starting over again tomorrow.”  I ate because I’d just blown my diet anyway.  I ate and ate and ate.

And when you start out your life as an overweight child who comes from an Italian family who sees food as one of the great joys of life, using food as comfort only compounds the problem.  I started out overweight, but became obese because I had an unhealthy relationship with food.  And once I realized the WHY behind the unhealthy and disordered eating, I could finally control/stop it.

Digging deep enough into my past to finally get to the Ah-Ha moment wasn’t easy, but it was essential.  It’s what finally freed me from those demons of feeling so bad about my behavior after a night of overeating.  It’s what helped me recognize the signs so that I could turn the behavior around before it ever began.

I still get the urge to overeat from time to time, but I try to do something instead – write a blog post, check in on Facebook, call a friend, drink a bunch of water, or go and take a walk.  After I spend 15-20 minutes doing something else, the feeling subsides and I can move on.  Or, I get the emotion out and I can move on.  Either way, I don’t turn to food to comfort me. Or at least, not as much.  And if I do eat something, I am choosing healthy options rather than junk.  Huge progress.

Learning this lesson has been (is!!) essential to taking control of my weight loss and finally getting into some downward momentum on the scale, rather than just spinning my wheels as I’ve done for years.  I’m still working on my goals, but they’re getting easier to accomplish, step by step.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d like to join in on the daily writing prompts, go to WEverb11, sign up for the email notifications, and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using the #WEverb11 hashtag!

Advertisement

Read Full Post »

HYC Update – Weekend Eating Extravaganza!

Wow,  a weekend!

It just so happened that this weekend I had two dinners to attend.  I usually try to make sure that big dinners like this are more spread out, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.  Good for the foodie in me; bad for the weight loss planner in me.

Saturday night we had our annual progressive dinner.  My cousin, parents, and I have been doing this for the last 7 years or so.  We begin at one house for appetizers, move to another house for the dinner, and then finish at the last house for the dessert.  Because I’m the youngest and the least experienced cook, they always let me do the appetizers, and then my mom and my cousin trade off between the dinner and the dessert.  Both my cousin and my mom are incredible cooks, and they take great pride in composing amazing meals.  It’s almost like they try to out do the other, and my dad and I get to reap the benefits. It’s nice that we all live within 5-10 minutes of each other.

This year I didn’t host the apps at my house because of the neighbors (not quite fit for a fancy party), so my cousin agreed to let me bring the appetizers to his house, and since he and I live literally 3 minutes (by car) apart, it worked out perfectly.  The meal was really phenomenal, and I just have to share it with you:

Appetizers (me): WW mini cheese balls. Even though these are a WW magazine recipe, they taste really decadent.  They’re a real crowd pleaser, and I’d recommend them for any upcoming holiday parties you may have.  My mom asked me to make them again for Christmas Eve, and I think next time I’m going to use the same recipe but make one cheese log, and use a combo of nuts and parsley on the outside.

Dinner (cousin): my cousin is a true gourmet cook.  He came up with this meal after having one similar to it on a recent cruise that he went on.  He has hopes of retiring from his corporate job as a finance guy and opening his own catering business.  I think he’d make a fortune!

1st course: soup – a chicken-based broth with ginger, garlic, bamboo shoots, chantarelle mushrooms, and savoy cabbage – amazing
2nd course: salad with mixed greens, shaved fennel, oranges, and hazelnuts with a light vinaigrette
main course: grouper (first time I’d ever had this) with a salsa of mangoes and pineapple, saffron-infused jasmine rice, and swiss chard

Dessert (Mom): Paula Deen’s pumpkin gingerbread trifle – decadent, delicious, and very fattening.

The dinner “cost” me 28.5 points, and it was one to remember.  I was so full afterward that I really didn’t feel good, but it was a delightful evening.

Sunday brought another dinner – this one to celebrate my niece T’s birthday.  My mom asked T what she wanted for dinner and T immediately replied, “ravioli!!!” Even though this was “just a family dinner,” my mom went all out (as she always does) with setting the table.  I really wish I would’ve taken a photo of the table, because it was absolutely gorgeous!  We started with ham and cheese pinwheels that my sister made and for dinner we had ravioli, bread, Italian sausage, and salad with fennel and blue cheese.  I was so stuffed and uncomfortable after this 23-point dinner than I ended up leaving before we had dessert.

The main thing I realized this weekend was that I can’t eat like I used to.  It was unpleasant to be as full as I felt at both dinners, especially the one on Sunday night.  And I didn’t even eat the same portions as I usually would have!  I think it’s just a matter of my stomach being much smaller than it used to be.  Plus the fact that I try to eat lighter at dinner and have more of my points throughout the day.

It’s weird that I felt so full both nights.  I’ve had many special meals in the last year, yet I really cannot remember feeling so full.  Not sure exactly what it means, but I know I don’t want to feel that way again. I guess I can look at it as an NSV of sorts; I really can’t eat like I used to, and that’s a good thing!

These two dinners were a good prelude to the holiday season that is quickly approaching!  I did a good job of saving my points on both days, and while I did use many of my WPAs, I didn’t go over my weekly allotment of 35.  My main goal for the holiday meals is to stop eating before I get to the point of feeling so overstuffed that I feel sick.

This Wednesday’s weigh in should be interesting.  I’ve all of my points, sent Scale Warfare my food journal each evening, “closed the kitchen” and avoided nighttime noshing — all good things.  What I wasn’t able to do because of my cold is workout.  I did do the Wii Fit Plus on Sunday for 1 hour (the longest I’ve ever “played” it – I earned 4 Activity Points!) and 30 minutes again on Monday night.  I’m planning on doing it again for at least 30 minutes on Tuesday, as well.  I don’t feel up to doing more than a low-intensity workout, and I’m just hoping it’s enough to keep the scale from shocking me again this week.  Wish me luck!

What are your biggest challenges when you have special/holiday dinners?

Read Full Post »

I need help!

Before I install a lock on my fridge, I thought I’d come to you for some help.  I need some support and suggestions, guys.  Much of this post is going to be a bit stream-of-consciousness, so I hope you can follow me.

I know I can do better with my food.  It must be obvious to you guys, as well.  Anyone who is working out as much as I am (3-4 times a week, at least, an hour each time) should be losing more weight than I have been.  During the summer it was because of an adverse reaction to medication, but since then, I should have shown bigger numbers on the scale each week.  The reason why I haven’t is because I’ve been eating too much at night.  Call it stress eating, call it emotional eating, call it binge eating.  The point is, at night I seem to have something take over me and I feel like a serious food addict.

It’s strange because when I was doing the fasting, or when I was on Medifast, I didn’t “cheat” at all.  I never overate.  I stuck to the 500 or 800 calories a day and was fine with it.  (Well, it was f-ing up my metabolism, but I wasn’t eating more than they prescribed).  Now that I can eat whatever I want to (as long as I fall within my points), I’m doing terribly.  I do well all day and even at dinner, but once the nighttime hits, I’m like a caged animal that has finally been set free.  I’m not even hungry, but there is this insatiable need to eat and eat and eat.

So it’s time that I take real control of myself.  If I can do it on an extreme diet, why can’t I do it when I’m eating in a healthy way?  Why is it so difficult for me to stop myself from overeating at night?  I know that I’m not alone in this, and I’d love for you to give me any pointers that you might have.  I know that one big culprit is probably watching too much t.v. at night.  The thing is, I love certain shows on t.v. and do not want to give up watching them.  The evening after dinner is the only time I have to really unwind.  But maybe I can do something so that t.v. time doesn’t equal eating time.

One thing I know I can do is to stop eating dinner in front of the t.v.  I do it far too often, and even though that’s guideline #1 on most diet plans, I’ve fallen into that habit.  Mostly because I like the “company” the t.v. offers.  Since I’m single and live alone, it’s nice to have the t.v. on when I eat so that I have some sort of entertainment.  But I know that I don’t have to.  I can eat dinner in my cozy breakfast nook while reading a magazine (I have so many that I need to catch up on) or a book (lots of those, too).  Plus, if I eat in the other room, it’s right next to the kitchen, making clean up easier.

Ok, so solution #1 is to stop eating anything in the living room (where the t.v. is).  The only thing I’m going to allow myself to have in this room is some sort of drink – water, tea, coffee.  No more eating meals in front of the t.v.

The second thing I need is some new meal plans.  I have loads of cookbooks that I should go through to get inspired, but I never seem to have the time.  So starting this week, I’m going to use a half hour of my evening after dinner to find at least one new recipe.  I think breaking it up in smaller bits like this will actually help me accomplish more than if I try to devote 2-3 hours at a time.  Little steps.

This is also where you can come in.  I need ideas for all meals because I’m getting bored of my usual food.  Please post meal plans in the comments, and be as specific as you can.  Exactly what you ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks on a given day.  That will really help me.  If some of you have a new recipe that you’ve tried recently, could you post about it and send me the link in the comments?

I need to get serious here.  There are only 9 weeks left in this year, and I want to show some sort of positive momentum going into  the new year. That’s what my Countdown to Christmas Challenge is about.  That’s what this post is about.  I’m “coming clean” about overeating at night because I need your help and admitting the problem is the first step.

Please help me feel more like this.

 

Read Full Post »

Well, THAT theory didn’t work…

These are the questions I’ve been asking myself.

I’ve had a bad couple of days.  BAD.  But the good thing is that I’m back on track now and things are looking up.  But let me tell you what happened.

Monday I went to an aqua aerobics class with Ish, which was nice.  The instructor kept us moving the entire time, and although the moves were basic, I was really working hard because she didn’t give us any breaks in between.  Ish thought this might have been because the instructor wasn’t actually in the pool with us due to an elbow injury. It’s kind of cool that she usually goes in the pool and does the moves with them; all the instructors at 24 Hour stay on the pool deck.  Anyway, after the workout and a dip in the hot tub, we showered, changed, and were famished.

We headed to Willow Street Pizza and got an amazing salad.  I think I mentioned it in my last post, but just in case, it was a summer salad special – grilled skirt steak, goat cheese, and peaches over mixed greens with a balsamic marinade.  So delicious!  I’m definitely going to make it again at home.  It wasn’t too bad points-wise, because it was about 4 oz of lean steak, 1 peach, about an once of goat cheese, and the marinade was balsamic vinegar.  Sooo, so good.

During dinner I was telling Ish how frustrated I was about this non-weight loss summer. I know that I shouldn’t get so caught up in what the scale says, but dammit, I wish it was showing how much hard work I’ve been putting in.  Ish told me again that she had a 6-month long plateau and then dropped 10 lbs in one week.  It does give me hope.  She said that she had been following Jenny Craig religiously, working out 5-6 days a week, and it wasn’t moving.  One night she went to a baseball game with her hubby and just said, F-it.  She had a hotdog, many beers, and other junk food.  She thought she was going to pay for it on the scale at her next weigh-in, but that next weigh in was the one in which she lost the 10 lbs.  She said she felt like she had shocked her system with a really high calorie day, and it finally all clicked.  Then she started following JC again and kept losing consistently.

So I had that story in the back of my mind on Tuesday.  Tuesday was a crazy day for me, and I didn’t even have time to eat lunch, which is something I NEVER do.  I did bring a string cheese and a 2-point bar with me to school, but that wasn’t enough by far.  I was at school until 5:30 with the journalism kids, and by the time I left, I had only had 8 points all day.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

When I was driving home I was thinking to myself, “you know, Ish ate that junk food and it helped her shock her system.  Maybe you should go through the McDonald’s drive thru and do the same thing.”  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But I did it anyway.  I ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries, and of course a diet coke.  (I don’t like regular soda).  I figured if I’m going to try this theory out, I might as well go big.  Ugh.  I came home and ate it, and enjoyed it but thought that it was such a dumb thing to do two days before weigh-in day.  I spent the rest of the night watching Weeds, which I’d never seen.  I love it!  And by the rest of the night, I mean that I was up until 3:30am watching it.  I was watching season 1 and 2 on the Netflix “watch instantly” queue.  I loved the show, but I seriously felt as if I had smoked some weed (which I didn’t!) because I got a case of the munchies.  I wanted to eat anything and everything I could.  Yes, the food was all good-for-you food, but in those portions, nothing is that good for you.

Then I spent a good part of the rest of the night in the bathroom with stomach issues because of the greasy food.  Ugh.  I was supposed to go to a training session at 10am on Wednesday, but I knew that I wasn’t going to make it since I was feeling so sick and didn’t get much sleep (maybe 3 hours?) the night before.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Yesterday I didn’t do much at all.  It was like I couldn’t drag myself out of the cycle of overeating.  I watched more Weeds and spent a lot more time in the bathroom.  It was seriously bad.  I felt so mad at myself because I was sabotating myself.  Why did I do that?  I guess all of the pent-up frustration just finally got to me.

This morning I weighed myself at home, and it seems like I’m up 2 pounds, although my scale at home is a bit higher than the one at WW.  And no, I didn’t go to WW, even though I know I should’ve.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I was just feeling so guilty about everything, and I didn’t want to walk in and face them and the scale, knowing that it was going to show another gain.

What I did do was tell myself that 2 bad days doesn’t destroy everything I’ve done for the last 2 months.  I had a slip-up, but I didn’t fail.  I can start over, which is exactly what I did this morning.  I had a great breakfast, and I am going to spend the rest of today cleaning up this house.  For some reason, overeating and letting the housework go seem to go hand and hand for me.  I hate the way the house looks right now, and I’m about to start cleaning it up after I finish writing.  I know I’ll feel so much better once the house is back in order and I feel more in control.  I’m thinking I’m also going to clean the refrigerator and pantry.  Really go through and reorganize things so that when I go to the grocery store I can know what I need.

Tonight I’m also going to my first Zumba class, which I am really looking forward to.  I’ll definitely post more about that tomorrow.

All in all, I had a rough patch, but rather than letting it get me completely off track, I acknowledged my mistake and picked myself right back up.  I guess that’s the lesson in all of this.  It was stupid of me to allow myself to get out of control, but it’s over.  It’s done.  I’ve forgiven myself and I’m moving on.  That’s what’s important.

Read Full Post »