HYC Update: Knowing When to Say “Enough”

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Whew!  It’s busy around BellaLand, let me tell you.  For those who don’t know, I’m moving on September 11th; school has just restarted, bringing with it all of the chaos that becomes my life for 10 months of the year; I’ve quit smoking (today is Day 21 smoke free!!); and I’m trying to lose a certain amount of weight to get scheduled for lap band surgery.  Any one of those things is enough to deal with, but putting them all together has proven to be quite a formidable challenge these days.

So after sharing my feelings of being a bit overwhelmed with Scale Warfare, I finally had the epiphany that I just can’t do it all.  Well, let me rephrase that – I need to focus on a few of the things right now, and then incorporate more of them as other “to-do” items fall off the radar.

Forgive me if this post is a bit of a “thinking out loud” type of post.  I really just need to work some of the organization of my life out, and it always helps me to write it on here, get feedback from you, and then set out to make it happen in my life.

Obviously work is a top priority, and as this is my 11th year teaching, I have that pretty down-pat.  I just have to get used to getting up at 5:15 and going to bed at a decent time so that I can get at least 7 or so hours of sleep each night.  I also have to figure out a way to get the grading done now that I have to get home earlier to be there for Lulu.  (Last year I started staying at school a  couple of hours a day to get grading done little by little, and it worked out really well, because once I left school for the day, I left work at work.  You see, I’ve always struggled with a work-life balance and I finally got it sorted out when I changed to this method last year.  Now that Lulu is going to be home alone during the day when I move to the new house (she’ll have a doggie door to potty outside at her leisure), I don’t want to leave her alone longer than I need to).  Here’s what I’m thinking my “after school time” will look like once I move to the new house:
3pm: leave school
3:30: get home and take Lulu for a walk (if I’m not going to do a formal workout on my own at the gym) or to the dog park
4:45pm: go to the gym to workout/grade papers (if I’ve taken Lulu on a walk)
6pm: cook dinner
7pm-10pm: Eat dinner, enjoy the evening – t.v., reading, phone calls, etc.
10pm: make my lunch for the next day, get ready for bed
11pm: light’s out

Sounds do-able, as long as I’m organized. Once I have more time on the weekends, I can cook some make-ahead dinners so that I have more free time in the evening after school.

Until then…

Right now (until I move) my priority once I get home is to pack the house up for the move.  Which means that I’m not going to worry about not getting my workouts in. That’s where the “enough” comes in. So I guess my Back-To-School Goals are temporarily put on hold until after September 11th.  At least moving and packing boxes burn some calories, right?

This also means that my food has to be even more on-point than it is now.  I had a bit of a backslide on Sunday in terms of making healthy choices, but I got right back to it on Monday when I went grocery shopping after work.  I visited EatBetterAmerica’s site and printed out three new recipes that I’m going to be making this week and next.  I made the  Mexican Skillet Pasta on Monday, and it was delicious.  I had lots of leftovers, which I’ll eat for lunches and dinners throughout the week.  Because I don’t like to eat the same thing too many times in a row if I can help it, I’m going to make Skillet Lasagna tonight.  And then this weekend I’m going to make the Chicken Tortilla Casserole.  I’m really looking forward to the cooler temps that fall brings, because I can’t wait to start making a bunch of Crock Pot recipes again.

Along with eating healthy food, I’m going to keep up with my tracking in Lose It.  I have to say that even though my choices this past weekend weren’t ideal, I do give myself a pat on the back because I logged every bite.  I may have gone over my calories, but at least I have a record of it, and I’ll know what to expect on the scale tomorrow (nothing too thrilling).

It’s interesting to me that the thing I thought would be the most monumentally difficult challenge of my life (quitting smoking) has actually proven to be relatively easy in comparison.  I don’t think about smoking at all anymore, most of the day.  Once in a while I do still get the urge, but I’ve  found it’s only after I’ve eaten a fairly large meal; otherwise I don’t feel that tugging need.  Which is a great thing.  I’ve actually amazed myself with how much determination I’ve shown with stopping smoking.  So for those of you who still smoke: if I can do it, you can certainly do it.  And I have to thank that surgeon for giving the ultimatum in the first place, otherwise I may have never quit.

All in all, things are very positive in my life.  Busy, but lots to look forward to, which is so exciting.  I hope all of you are having a wonderful week, and I look forward to any suggestions, ideas, or comments that you may have.

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Too Much?!?!

There is so much going on these days, and most (if not all) of it is positive, but do you ever have too many good things going on at once?  That’s sort of how I feel.

Let’s review, shall we:

1. I might (I hope, I hope, I hope) be moving into a great new place.  Which means moving, and packing to move, and organizing things, and money for deposits and first month’s rent, etc.
2. I’m following a new 1200-calorie a day meal plan.  It’s going well, but so far I can’t seem to keep my calories to 1200.  They’ve gone as high as 1600, but mostly stay around 1400 or so.  I just remind myself that this is the very first week, and all of these calories this week have been a lot less than I was eating on WW, which was roughly 1650-1700.  I have to grant myself some time to get adjusted to it.
3. I’m quitting smoking.  Enough said, really.  It’s a bitch, and I’m trying not to be.  I miss it so much, even though I know this is such a positive thing for my longterm health.  Plus the fact that the Lap Band Program requires that I’m not smoking, so that’s a HUGE motivator.  In fact, I keep thinking about that every single time I want to light up.  (Although I was smart enough to get rid of any cigs, and I just keep pretending like they don’t sell cigarettes anymore).  So far it’s working, but I am experiencing a huge sense of loss.  I feel like something is missing.  I used to look forward to certain cigarettes, like the one after dinner, and the last one before bed.  It’s an addiction, and it’s tough to quit, to put it mildly.  I feel like I need a ton of support around this, and I don’t want to drive my mom crazy with multiple phone calls a day to “talk me down.”  She’s a former smoker who did it cold turkey and she just keeps saying, “Bella, I know it’s hard.  I did it too.  You can do it.  I really don’t know what else to say.  You have to do this for the program and for your health, so just drink water or do something else when you want a cigarette.  What else can I tell you?”  And she’s right.  I’m sort of acting like the only person on earth who’s ever tried to quit, and I need to get over myself.  I just keep telling myself that I AM STRONGER THAN ANY CIGARETTE.
4. School is about to start.  Which means getting my classroom together, organizing everything for the first few weeks of school, helping with registration, updating the school website, etc.  I’ve done a bit of this, but there is a lot more to do before the 23rd, and I’m fighting against wanting to go into school to get things done and relishing these last few days of summer.  The nice thing is that after registration ends at noon on Tuesday and Wednesday next week, I can spend a few hours in my own classroom getting things done.  I’ll also have about 5 hours on Friday the 20th to tackle any last-minute stuff that needs to be done. I guess I won’t feel like I’m ready until I get everything done, so next week I’m going to work really hard to make that happen so that I can go into next weekend (my last weekend of summer) calm and collected.
5. My sister is going through a separation.  I haven’t mentioned it on here before because I didn’t want to spill her business, but it’s affecting me more than I think anyone knows.  I’m really glad that she’s decided to make this change because I never could stand her husband and I thought it was a bad decision to marry him in the first place.  Still, I know she’s sad and stressed about it, and so I’m trying to be there for her as much as I can financially and emotionally.  She has so much going on: her career as a social worker is stressful, she’s got two little girls, a dog, and a whole household to run.  When I look at my life and feel overwhelmed, as I’ve been doing in this post, I feel so selfish, because I know that my problems are minuscule in comparison to what’s going on with her.
6. Lulu is amazing and adorable and such a joy in my life, but she’s also a lot of work.  I love having her and would never want to be without her, but I do feel guilty whenever I have to leave her.  I guess it’s because she’s still such a puppy and so reliant on me.  She just turned 6 months yesterday, and she hates it when I leave her.  Having her in doggy daycare has helped a lot, and she seems to thrive there, which is good, but I do feel guilty leaving her there.  Especially on a day like today when I didn’t have to work.  But I had a lot of things I wanted to get done around the house, and it’s a lot easier to clean and mop and workout when she’s not underfoot.  I want to give her the best life possible, and I guess I’m just trying to balance that with everything else that’s going on.  Including maintaining a social life of my own.  Tonight, for example.  I’m supposed to go to karaoke with some girlfriends, but I really don’t want to leave her at home alone, even though I know she’ll be tired out from daycare all day.  I feel like I should be with her so that we can play and bond and all of that.  But I don’t want to flake on my friends either.  Ugh.

This post is just mental vomit, and for that I apologize.  I just needed to express all of this, because it’s how I’m feeling.

In looking at that list, most of the things are really happy and positive, but somehow I still feel overwhelmed by them, and I’m upset with myself for feeling that way.  I know that most of it is the quitting smoking.  They say that you can get depressed, and I guess that’s what this is.  I’m always an upbeat, positive person, and I’m trying to remain that way, despite this feeling of a huge weight on my shoulders.

In reality, I know that I’m getting rid of a lot of negativity through most of those things.  If I’m able to move, it’s going to be amazing for me and Lulu.  We’ll be in a great area, have a lot more room, and the backyard will be awesome for both of us.  Not to mention getting away from my crazy neighbors.  It will alleviate most of my stress.  Quitting smoking is not only such a benefit for my health, but for my appearance (and scent – cigs smell disgusting), and also a huge savings.  Dropping the pounds is obviously a major goal, and the 1200-calorie diet is a means toward the short-term goal of surgery and towards the longer-term goal of losing 150 pounds.  Starting work will add a routine to my days that is as comforting in many ways.  It signals fall and winter, which are cozy seasons.  My sister’s situation will work out for the best, because I truly believe that her husband has been dragging her down for the 11 years they’ve been married.  It’s going to be tough on my nieces, but my sister is the best mom in the world, and I know she’ll handle it all with grace.  I hope that the small monetary and emotional support that I’m offering her is enough to get her through all of it.  And Lulu?  Lulu is a doll, and I’m blessed to have her, so I shouldn’t even be concerned.  I think I’m really overprotective of her, and I could probably leave her without feeling as badly as I do.  I know that once I move into the new place (gotta say it as if it’s happening to ‘put it out there’ so that it comes true), I’ll feel a lot better about leaving her because I won’t worry about what’s going on around her as I do now.

That’s all I have for now.  Thanks for letting me vent.

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Overwhelmed and Awestruck

Today has been a truly wonderful day.  It’s also been an emotional day, filled with happiness and a few tears.  I’m pretty wiped out at this point, so I’ll try to keep this brief.

Last night I sent out my fundraising email for TNT.  I followed the directions they gave us and sent the email to everyone I know, including people on Facebook whom I haven’t seen in over 20 years (grammar school & high school friends).  Since I have over 275 friends on Facebook, I was hoping that a few of them would donate a bit of money.  Maybe $10 or so.

I went to bed, and when I awoke this morning, I already had two donations of $25 each.  Then I got to school and I had 3 more.  As the day continued, the funds raised kept growing and growing.  People were extremely generous in their giving.  Overwhelmingly so.

A few times throughout the day, I went to my fundraising page and reread what I had written.  Every time I read the part about my uncle, I get tears in my eyes.  I miss him so much, and he was such an inspiration in my life.  I know he would be so proud of me if he were still here.  You see, my uncle always wanted me to lose weight so that I would be healthier, and I know that he would be so happy at all that I’ve accomplished so far.  I know that when I cross the finish line in May, because I WILL cross it, he’s going to be there with me too.

As the day continued into evening, more donations came in.  I can’t believe the amount people are giving in this economy.  I am so happy that people are willing to support me to reach this challenging goal.  So far today I’ve raised $875.  In ONE day!  I still have a long way to go to get to the minimum goal of $2900, but if I have a few more days like today, I think I can get there.

When they say that TNT will change your life, I thought it was mostly about pushing yourself to your physical limits and then surpassing them.  I had no idea it was also going to be about a renewed sense of the spirit of human generosity and kindness. I have been blown away by so many of my friends, family, and colleagues today that I am humbled and awestruck.

If you’d like to donate, you can click on this link.  Thank you for donating anything you can, if you can.  I appreciate it more than you know.

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