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Posts Tagged ‘perseverance’

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Spring has sprung! Which means that the weather is turning warmer, the days are getting longer, and fitting in outdoor activities is a whole lot easier. Spring is a time of renewal, and in the spring of 2014  I’m living my life in full bloom! Now that I’m in the home stretch of my weight loss journey, all the pounds I lose this spring are just like extra petals on a flower, making my life just a bit more beautiful. I want to enjoy each day of this season, soaking in the sunshine, blue skies, and happiness. Sunday weigh-ins will keep me accountable through the weekend, and will give me a positive goal to begin each new week. My Sunday progress updates will be called Super Spring Weigh-Ins.

Week 48 was another busy one at work, but I also fit in lots of time for celebrations.  I had a fun field trip on Monday, Tuesday my parents took me out to dinner to celebrate my Teacher of the Year win,  I went out for TGIF with some colleagues on Friday, and yesterday I met up with a teacher friend for lunch and lesson planning.  I worked out hard, but eating out four different times and imbibing two of those times made my calorie counts a bit higher than normal.

bilbl_scale.jpg So, what did the scale show?!

When I weighed in this morning, I was 180.0, which is no loss and no gain this week; I stayed exactly the same. This is  a loss of 97 lbs since surgery! I’ve lost a total of 135 pounds from my highest weight!! I have 30 pounds to go to my ultimate goal weight of 150 pounds.  I’m not thrilled that my stall has continued for a second week, but it doesn’t surprise me.  I wasn’t as strict with my food as I should’ve been, which really counteracted all the major working out I was doing all week.  Which, in hindsight, is really disappointing.  I pushed myself to workout hard on several afternoons even though I was dog-tired, but because I ate out several times, and drank a couple of those times, I basically maintained.  For all my effort in my sweat sessions, I should’ve seen a good loss this week.  But this is a lesson – celebrations are great, but I need to space them out a bit more while I’m still in the weight loss phase.  On the positive side, if this past week is an example of my life in maintenance, I’ll really enjoy it.  Work hard, play hard, and all of that.

So, this week I’m going back to my stricter food routine. (Although I am meeting a friend for apps & drinks later today, but it is Sunday Funday, afterall). I very rarely eat out, and I plan to continue making all my meals at home for the rest of this week.  I’ve seen a few new recipes that I’m interested in trying out:

In terms of my workouts, I’ll be getting in lots of cardio, as usual, but I’m super excited that Tone It Up‘s #bikiniseries is starting tomorrow! If you’re at all curious, sign up and give it a try.  I think you’ll be amazed with how much Karena and Katrina put into their workout plans, recipes, workout playlists, and fun challenges – all free. Here’s my workout plan for this week:
Sunday: Lateral X+ Elliptical+Treadmill + walk Sofi
Monday: TIU: Excited for Spring (elliptical) / TIU: The Best Ab Routine (x3)***
Tuesday:  walk with Sofi + TIU HIIT the Beach 2 (on Beach Babe 2 DVD) / TIU: New 2014 Bikini Series toning workout (comes out Tuesday morning) + TIU: Sunset Stretch
Wednesday: TIU: Bikini Cardio (elliptical) + walk with Sofi / TIU: Surfer’s Paradise ***
Thursday:  Body Combat (5:30pm) / TIU: new BIKINI SERIES toning workout coming out Thursday morning
Friday: run/walk intervals + walk with Sofi / TIU: Ab Workout Playlist
Saturday: WG 5K + walk Sofi / TIU: Beach Yoga w/ Karena

***This week is another crazy one, with lots of meetings after school.  When I get home so much later than usual, it’s difficult for me to fit my workouts in and get everything else I need to done. I do it, but I end up eating really late (another thing that happened quite a bit this past week, which didn’t help the weight loss, I’m sure). So, I’m going to try working out at 4:30am twice this week and see how it goes.  It’s SO early, but I’ve read a lot about how much better it is to start the day with a workout.  It’s definitely worth trying out.

I really love that each weekday the TIU girls have set up a Sunset Challenge: (taken directly from ToneItup.com)

  • Monday:Spend time with people who make you smile!
  • Tuesday: Yoga Inspired Stretching (see Sunset Stretching, above).
  • Wednesday: Take out the list of goals or your vision board that you created on Monday. Find a quiet place to sit, close your eyes and spend 5 minutes visualizing yourself achieving each one of them. Breathe deeply and remember to keep your mind positive throughout the entire process!! Picture how amazing you’re going to feel when you accomplish your goals.
  • Thursday: Take a few minutes to write a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life. Think about your beautiful body and all it does for you, your friends, family, pets… write it all down! Save the list by your bedside and read it over before you go to sleep for sweet, happy dreams!
  • Friday: Tonight, sign up for something completely outside your comfort zone. Anything like a new fitness class, race or personal challenge is fair game. If you’ve always wanted to try SUP Paddleboading, surfing or a hip hop dance class… now’s the time to sign up!

This week I feel as if a fire has been lit beneath me.  I’m excited about my planned meals and workouts, and I can’t wait to melt a couple more pounds off this body.  From the start of my journey PERSEVERANCE has been my middle name, and that’s what I’ll tap into to get to that next number on the scale.

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Until next Sunday, my friends. I hope the scale treats you well, and that you have a wonderful week!

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new year new me

2014 – a new year, a fresh start full of new beginnings. 2014 is going to be MY year to shine. I’m vowing here and now that I will reach my goal weight in 2014. What an amazing accomplishment it will be! To achieve my goals, I’m going to focus on the basics – eating well, drinking lots of water, taking my vitamins and getting in 5 workouts a week. Sunday weigh-ins will keep me accountable through the weekend. My resolution throughout the year is to keep focused while enjoying all the “newness” in my life. My Sunday progress updates will be called New Year, New ME Weigh-Ins.

Week 35 was a weird one.  Work was busy, I got a bad cold, and I started strength training using the workouts from Tone It Up.

So, what did the scale show?!

When I weighed in this morning, I was 198.2, which is a gain of 2.4 pounds this week, and a loss of 78.8 lbs since surgery! I’ve lost a total of 116.8 pounds from my highest weight!! I have 48.2 pounds to go to my ultimate goal weight 0f 150 pounds. This is my first gain in the 8+ months since surgery (and even a few months before that), and while it’s disappointing to see the scale move in this direction, it was completely expected.  My body always reacts this way whenever I start using weights.  Plus, I had a bad cold, and Mother Nature is coming calling any day now.  At one point this week I was up over 5 pounds, so this is actually my body calming down a bit.  I’m so glad that I know all of these things about my body so that I’m not freaking out over a gain like this, especially with as hard as I worked all week. I’m also glad that I’m still in Onederland, let’s be honest.

As I mentioned in my post the other day, I’ve started strength training using the Tone It Up (#TIU) workouts, and I’m really enjoying them.  I know they’re working because I’m sore, but I love that very few of the moves are too difficult for me to complete.  It shows how far I’ve come.  It’s nice to have another measure of fitness successes, beyond my cardio workouts.

Today Tinkerbell and I are doing our first 5K together, and I’m really looking forward to it.  Unfortunately, because of my cold, which is settling in my chest now, we’re going to walk the whole thing instead of doing run/walk intervals, as we’d planned.  I’m really glad that Tinkerbell doesn’t mind us taking it a bit easier.  Plus, this way we can spend the time catching up – last weekend she completed the Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland, something she’d been training for for over 6 months.  I’m so proud of her, and I can’t wait to hear all the details. (I’ll post more about our 5K later today).

This coming week, I’m looking forward to continuing the #TIU workouts (a new weekly series comes in my inbox today!), picking up my 3/1 run/walk intervals as soon as this cold dies down and my respiration is easier,  and hopefully seeing the scale go down at next Sunday’s weigh in.  The thing is, I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m not worried about one bad weigh in because I know I’m stronger than any reading on the scale.  Seeing a higher number isn’t going to put me in a tailspin now, as it would have in the past.  That’s true growth, that’s something to be proud of.

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Until next Sunday, my friends. I hope the scale treats you well, and that you have a wonderful week!

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As of this morning, I’ve officially lost 100 pounds!

On October 21, 2012 I saw the highest weight I’ve ever seen recorded – 315 pounds.  Now, 375 days later, I’ve shed 100 pounds.  And really, most of the weight loss has been since my surgery date – May 20, 2013.  Countless hours of workouts, so many meals weighed and measured, all those days that I logged every bite. All worth this feeling I’m experiencing right now. After eighteen years of struggle with obesity, and a lifetime of being overweight, this accomplishment literally brings tears of joy to my eyes.

I thought I’d have so much to say when I hit this tremendous goal, but words escape me.  Losing weight eluded me for so long – my terrible metabolism after all those years of yo-yo dieting.  All that mental struggle with emotional eating.  Tremendous frustration and pain whenever I tried to exert myself physically.  And finally, after VSG surgery and transforming my life, I’ve realized the success I knew I had in me all along.  It’s fantastic!

So rather than babble on, I thought I’d show some photos that depict just how far I’ve come.

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When I took the before, I remember thinking that I looked good – sophisticated. How when I see the photo on the right, I realize how puffy my face looked before.

The photo on the left wasn't at my heaviest weight, but it does show me in a "before." The left was taken just the other day.  I like the way my hair looks straight so much that I am going to get a keratin treatment so I can straighten it myself more easily.

The photo on the left wasn’t at my heaviest weight, but it does show me in a “before.” The left was taken just the other day. I like the way my hair looks straight so much that I am going to get a keratin treatment so I can straighten it myself more easily.

The before was Halloween a few years ago, again, not at my very heaviest, but still obese. And the pic on the right was taken yesterday, this Halloween.

The before was Halloween a few years ago, again, not at my very heaviest, but still obese. And the pic on the right was taken yesterday, this Halloween.

I’m proud of all that I’ve achieved and look forward to all the milestones yet to come. Next up, Onederland!!

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Autumn has arrived! Which means that life is back to normal – school’s in, my schedule is busy, and obligations abound. But I won’t use those as excuses to slack on my goals. The great thing about fall is that the weather is cooler, which means that those wonderful fall fashions will keep me motivated. Plus, crisp temperatures mean that it’s never “too hot” to workout. I’m going to relish my nightly cup of steaming hot tea as another way to keep my water intake up. I look forward to all those hearty, satisfying and wls-friendly soups, stews, and crockpot meals that I’ll create for myself. This year, the changing season will mark new milestones that I haven’t seen in 5, 7, 10+ years! Bring on fall 2013 – it’s time to reach new heights! Sunday weigh-ins will keep me accountable through the weekend, and will give me a positive goal to begin each new week. Throughout the fall, I’ll be giving Sunday progress updates called Fabulous Fall Weigh-Ins.

Week 17 was another busy one, which makes me all the more grateful that I have this new lifestyle in check.  I’ve come to realize that this school year is just going to be much busier for me for a number of reasons, but thanks to all the changes I’ve made personally, I’ll be able to handle the added pressure without derailing my progress on the scale. That fact makes me feel amazing!

So, how’s the scale looking?

I weighed in this morning at 224.4, which is a loss of 4 pounds this week, and a loss of 52.6 lbs since surgery! I’ve lost a total of 90.6 pounds from my highest weight!! Ninety pounds down!!!  Over 52+ pounds off in just a little over 4 months!! I am so proud of myself and stunned by these results.

When I see this sort of progress, I realize that my decision to get the VSG surgery was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, just as I knew it would be.  I think back to myself 1 year ago, 3 years ago, 5 years ago and know that all of my perseverance through the terrible struggles with the scale was to get me to this moment.  Even as I was failing and had almost lost all hope, there was a small spark, a tiny voice in my head, telling me to keep going because I could do it.  Once I made the decision to get the WLS, I knew that the tool would be the missing piece of the puzzle, and it’s proven to be.

Now that living this post-VSG life has become second nature to me, I think it’s time to make some milestone goals for myself.

  1. I will hit 100 pounds off by November 1st.
  2. I will get to ONEDERLAND (199 or less) by the end of 2013.
  3. I will reach my ultimate goal of weighing 150 lbs before my surgiversary on May 20, 2014.

Given my average weekly weight loss (~3 lbs per week), these goals are completely reasonable and achievable.  The nicest part is, I’m not going to have to do anything extraordinary to reach them.  I’m just going to keep up with the food and exercise plan I’ve been following, and I know the weight will come off.

Way back when, I’d set up some rewards for myself for losing weight, and I think they still hold true:

1.  When I hit 100 pounds off – buy a new, red beach cruiser.  I love my beach cruiser, but I hate the color.  When I went to buy it, I wanted a red one, but they were going to have to order it for me.  Being as impatient as I am, I didn’t want to wait, so I settled for the one they had in stock.  Now it’ time to get the bike I really want.

2.  When I hit Onederland – buy an outfit from a non-plus size store.  I know I’ll be able to buy a top from a non-plus size store (I could fit one now), but I’m not sure of the bottoms.  I’m wearing 20s or 18s, depending on the pants, but with another 24 lbs off, maybe I’ll be able to fit into 14s?  I’m thinking that maybe a store like New York & Company will have something that will work.  Any other suggestions for stores with generous sizing?

3. I’ve always said that when I hit my ultimate goal of weighing 150 lbs, I’m going to buy an entire outfit from Anthropologie.  I love so many of the silhouettes I see at the store, and have always longed to be able to buy more than just their housewares. This is going to be a huge reward!

It’s so fun to think about reaching these milestones and knowing that they’ll happen in the very near future, not a faraway and nebulous “someday.”  I saw this quote on Instagram this morning, and it really does encapsulate how I’m feeling:

20130922-141041.jpgUntil next Sunday, my friends. I hope the scale treats you well, and that you have a wonderful week!

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Ok, so maybe that title is a little but dramatic, but it is somewhat apropos to how I’m feeling today.

Let me start by saying that I’m doing really well.  I have organized and packed my breakfasts and lunches for the past two days, I’m drinking all my water (and then some), and I completed a tough workout (burned 1394 calories, according to MFP) yesterday after school.  I”m eating well, sticking to plan, and not giving in to the cravings for something sweet after dinner that have been plaguing me.

Yet the scale has crept up these past two days.  Ugh!  I should also mention that it’s TOM time, which usually adds some lbs to the scale due to water retention.  Yesterday I was up two lbs from my lowest weight and today I was up 1 (down one from the previous day).  So technically I guess I lost a lb yesterday, but I can’t understand why I’m not seeing my lowest numbers yet on the scale.

I know that some of you might say that I’m gaining muscle with my weight training, but I seriously doubt I could put on muscle that quickly.  Others of you might say not to worry about 1 pound, that it will eventually come off once my body normalizes.  Maybe so.  I’m telling myself those same things.

I’m not going to go into a tailspin because of this, but it is frustrating.  I just keep telling myself that I’m doing everything right, and if I just keep it up, the weight will  come off.  The alternative is giving up, and I just don’t have that option.

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For the month of December, I’ll be participating in #WEverb11. Each day gives a new prompt, each of which is a chance to reflect and look forward.

December 16: Persevere

Describe something that disappointed you in 2011 and how you persevered. Contributed by Jen.

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And sometimes the one I have to talk to is me...

Perseverance is my middle name.  I have continued on this weight loss journey for many, many, many years, and while I may have moments (or weeks) of falling backwards, I am never down for the count.  I pull myself back up off the ropes, begin fighting,  and I persevere.

So the main thing that disappointed me this year is that I can only seem to sustain my weight loss efforts (eating right and exercising) for a set period of time and then I fall off.  It’s like my brain can only juggle so many things at once and then one of the balls that’s been in the air just drops.  And so do I.

But as much as I wish I would have made it to my mini goal by now, I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  There is a reason that I was meant to wait to have the surgery, and part of that was so that I could decide on the proper weight loss surgery for me.  If I would’ve been eligible earlier this year, I think I would’ve chosen the wrong one, and would have ultimately been disappointed with my results (or lack thereof).  No, I was meant to take my time, learn a few lessons about why I overeat and how to get control over those urges.  I was meant to do more research and meet more people who have had VSG.  I was meant to come to the decision that was best for me.  And I was meant to realize that my fate is completely in my hands, but I can’t make it to my goal with excuses.

So while I have been disappointed, I’ve also become stronger.  I’ve become more ready to fight the demons.  I have become who I am today and for that I am grateful and gratified.  I know that it’s all meant to be in 2012.

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If you’d like to join in on the daily writing prompts, go to WEverb11, sign up for the email notifications, and join us! Or follow along on Twitter using the #WEverb11 hashtag!

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I was so excited to see that the padded spinning skorts I had ordered arrived this afternoon! I immediately tried them on, only to find they were way too tight in my stomach and butt. Way. Too. Tight. Like, can’t hide it with a long top, too tight. Ugh. See for yourself: (it’s so bad that I purposely didn’t show my face in the photos because I’m ashamed :()

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You can’t see it clearly because of the light in my room, but in back the skirt b-a-r-e-l-y covers my ass and then it sort of does this weird jutting out thing.  So even if I had a long shirt on, it would look strange.  Sigh.

So these are going on the shelf until I can lose about 10-15 pounds.  It’s sad because they were super expensive, and I was really looking forward to wearing (and more importantly, using!) them.  I even got the largest size, “just in case.”  On the positive side, I will say is that they were really comfortable because the legs are made from the same sort of material that football players’ jerseys are – you know the kind with the holes in the material?  Not quite mesh, but very breathable.  And while the padding felt sort of weird, it was thick and I’m sure that would be great on the spin bike.  I can’t wait ’till these fit.

I was so dejected at first, thinking, “now I can’t do spin class before summer ends because it’s going to hurt too much.”  I really wanted to try out spinning, because I have such strong legs, and I know I would love the class, although I also know at first it’s going to be a huge challenge for me.  In the past I would’ve used the skorts not fitting as an excuse to say, “oh well, it’s a sign, no spinning for me until I lose weight.”  But that’s not who I am anymore.  I’m the girl that doesn’t let things like this get in the way of her trying a new exercise. 

And then it hit me – why not buy a padded seat cover in the mean time?  Amazon.com to the rescue!!!

I really like how it has the “relief” because that is the main point of pain on the spin bike.  The reviews for this one were good, and many people mentioned that they use if for spinning, so I think it will serve my purposes.  Plus, it’s only $19.99, so it’s not a huge investment. I just hope I can get it on the seat and it stays put during the class.

My plan is to try it out at a 9am class, which I’m hoping will be less crowded than an evening class.  Once I get the hang of it, I’m sure I’m going to love spinning so much that I’ll become a regular and then those damn padded skorts will fit me in no time!

The padded seat cover will be here on Monday (I hope!), or Tuesday at the latest, so by next Thursday, I’ll be able to take a spin class!!

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This morning I got on the scale, as I’ve been doing every morning, and it was up, AGAIN. Not way up, but up enough that I got frustrated, upset, angry, and disappointed. In life. With my weight. In myself. Because I know better. And I deserve more.

Here’s the deal. The other day I went to a cooking class with a group of friends and had a great time. But I also had wine and food that wasn’t part of the Lean & Green plan. And I gave myself a pass because it “doesn’t happen very often” and “I don’t want to be a hermit” and “I’m going to do Zumba the next day and burn over 1000 calories, so I’ll make up for it.” I even blogged something along those lines.

But obviously my body went into “shock” and it didn’t matter how much I worked out this week. I’m up on the scale, so that one night of fun and frivolity set me back a week. Ugh. And then I know what’s going to happen, I’m going to get so frustrated and upset that I’m going to go WAY off the plan, and then it will send me into some sort of tailspin.

Not this time. Not to me. Not when I’m this close.

So this morning when I was upset, LC reminded me that I really needed to make the choice to stick with Medifast completely, without deviation, for this short amount of time. And she’s right. I mean, c’mon, I’m not going to be on this plan forever: it’s a means to an end. So as such, I should treat it that way and stick to it totally. No exceptions. No tastes. No excuses. I can do it. This is the perfect time of year, since I’m not that big into St. Patty’s Day or Easter. (And there’s always next year). My friends will understand that I need to meet them for a walk or for coffee rather than for wine and a meal. They support my weight loss. They know my immediate goal is to qualify for the lap band surgery. End of story.

So after the pep talk, I realized that instead of wallowing in it, I needed to DO something. Bella Does Life, after all. LC and I hit the farmers market and then Trader Joe’s. And then I did what any good Italian girl who likes to eat does – I cooked! And I cooked. And I COOKED. I made my Lean & Green meals for the entire week, plus some. Since I’m going to be taking them for lunch to work, I wanted to get them all ready ahead of time so I could just grab and go. Plus, I really didn’t want to have to deal with food on an empty stomach later in the week.

Here’s my menu for the week:

Monday: Italian Salmon Salad
Tuesday: Chicken “Club” Salad
Wednesday: Italian Tuna Salad
Thursday: Mediterranean Lentil Salad
Friday: Asian-Inspired Chicken Salad

I feel so organized now that I made all those meals and they’re all ready to go for the week. I know it’s going to help keep me on track. You guys know how much I love a stocked fridge, right, well just imagine how happy it makes me to see all this good-for-me food just waiting for me. I’d definitely say this is a NSV:

And for dinner tonight I made Langostino tails (frozen, from Trader Joe’s) with Zucchini “pasta.” The langostino were expensive, but it’s Oscar night, and they’re so low cal, I couldn’t resist.

Today reminded me that no matter how upsetting something is, there’s always a way around it or out of it. I showed myself that I really want this badly enough not to allow myself to fail. So I won’t.

I love this rinoculous that I picked up at the farmers market today. It’s a great reminder of my goals and how much I believe that I can accomplish them.

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scale This week’s weigh-in showed another gain; this time I’m up 0.2 lbs. I’m not going to let this get to me, though, because I know I’ve been working out as much as I possibly can and I’ve been eating well, tracking everything, etc.  I know that it’s going to take a few weeks for the Wellbutrin to completely get out of my system, and I am going to show patience, something I’m really bad at.

Today at the WW meeting, instead of talking about the normal weekly topic, my leader, Theresa, told us her weight loss story.  This week marks 6 years that she’s kept 46 pounds off.  The thing I loved about her story was that she was the first to admit that she had joined and quit WW at least 7 times before she finally made the commitment.  She talked about knowing she was going to gain one week and deciding to skip the meeting in the hopes of losing the next week, only to get so far off track that she never went again (sounds familiar).  She talked about the fact that she made it to goal 5 times, only to skip the maintenance portion and gain the weight back (and then some), each time.  And then she talked about finally making the commitment to WW and to herself to work the program, go to meetings every week, and do everything in her power to lose weight.

This is where the perseverance comes into play.  When she rejoined for the last time in July she had only lost 3 lbs by December.  3 lbs in 5 months!  I don’t know how she found the determination and will to keep going to WW, but she did.  She showed that perseverance pays off.  She said that in December something clicked for her, and she started exercising as well as tracking points and attending weekly meeetings and by the next July, she had lost all 46 pounds.  Amazing.  It shows that weight loss is as much of a mental thing as it is a food/physical thing.  Maybe even more so.

I know for myself that attitude makes all the difference.  Right now I am so commited to losing weight and keeping it off that nothing can stop me (not even my own frustrations on the scale).  Two months ago I would’ve gotten on the bathroom scale, saw a gain, and decided to skip the meeting.  Today I didn’t; I went to the meeting, and I’m so glad I did.  So much of Theresa’s story resinated for me.  Even though she had less than a third the amount of weight to lose that I have, the behaviors, struggles, and triumphs are the same.

After the WW meeting I went to another personal training session (my third so far), and Jimmy worked my ass out!  Literally!  Today was a “leg” day, and for some reason, those kill me more the arm days.  I think it’s because he has me doing so many of the activities on the steps (think step aerobics).  He’s not only working out my leg muscles, but he’s working on my core and my coordination and balance.  My balance and coordination are ridiculously bad, but as Jimmy said, it’s all a starting point.  I really like how much he motivates, encourages, and pushes me to finish the sets.  I also like the fact that he is very perceptive and can tell when I’m really feeling pain (in my knees) and need to remove a level of steps or simply just take a rest, beathe deeply, and drink some water.  I drank 64 ounces during the 60 minute session!  I think I probably sweated out half that much during the session, too.  LOL.

After we were done training, Jimmy set me up with the BodyBugg/24 Hour Fitness online nutrition tracker.  The program asks a series of nutrional questions about the types of food you like to eat, your sleeping habits, etc.  He said he wants me to use this so that he can see my food journal each day.  The cool thing about the program is that it gives you menu suggestions for what to eat.  You obviously don’t have to stick to it completely, but I’m always looking for new food ideas.  Jimmy is emphatic about me getting more lean protein at breakfast, and since I’m not a huge fan of eggs, I really struggle with that.  I’m hoping that the online nutrition program will give me some good breakfast ideas that will incorporate more lean protein.

I’m planning on buying the BodyBugg on July 31, when I get paid, because he really emphasized to me the importance of seeing the calorie deficit each day.  For instance, in order to lose 2 pounds a week, I need to eat 2050 calories a day and see a calorie deficit of 1000 per day.  That sounds like a lot, but I bet I burn a lot more calories in a day than I realize.  It will be really cool to have this device, because I think it will offer me more control over this whole weight loss thing.  Most weeks I feel like it’s a mystery every time I step on the scale.  Kind of like a game – Will I lose? Will I gain?  What’s going on?  With the BodyBugg, I should have no questions about what my weight loss for the week will be.  I’ll have all of the information in front of me, and barring any hormonal or other circumstances, it should be accurate.  It’s exciting.

So now, after an INTENSE personal training session, I’m heading to the pool to do some laps and work on my tan a bit.

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This morning I woke up at 6am (a little behind schedule) to make it to the TNT Coach Led Training at 7am.  We were scheduled to meet at a park that hooks up with the Los Gatos Creek Trail.  I love riding my bike on the trail, although I’ve never gone on this part of it before.

I felt great this morning. Full of energy and ready to take on this huge task.  The weather couldn’t have been better: cool, a bit overcast, but no rain.  It’s been raining here for about 2 days, so we were really lucky that it let up for this walk.  I started off at a good pace, pumping my arms like they told us to on Wednesday night.

After a few minutes, everyone started passing me.  I can’t tell you how much I hated this.  I kept trying to tell myself it didn’t matter, but it did.  I’m just too competitive, and I hated the thought of being the last one.  I ended up walking with Luciana, an adorable Italian lady from Milan who’s in her 60s.  I love talking to her because her accent reminds me of my Nana’s.

As we got toward the 1-mile mark, we arrived at a fairly large hill.  At this point, my calves were cramping a bit, but I knew that once I made it up the hill, we were going to stop for a minute or two to stretch.  Everyone cheered us on as we got to the top of the hill, and I was embarrassed, because I didn’t want to make a spectacle of the fact that I was one of the last two to finish.  But I got a few good stretches in, and my calves felt so much better.

Then I started walking again and the numbness began.  First in my left foot; then my right.  I can’t explain the way this feels – it’s awful not being able to feel your feet because you have the constant worry that you might trip and fall.  I finally said something to one of the mentors, and she stopped the head coach and asked her to attend to me.

I told the head coach that I had just bought these new shoes, and that I had been getting a lot of numbness with my other shoes, but that these shoes were supposed to be better for my feet.  She looked at my shoes and said that I had the laces tied way too tightly.  I started to undo the laces to let them out a bit, and almost immediately, my feet felt relief.  It was like my feet sighed.  She said that her shoes were loose enough for her to slip them on and off without untying them, but that that might be too loose for me.  She said to play around with the laces and see what felt best.  She also said that I may not need to have the laces go through every hole.

I started walking again, and the numbness was still there, but it was alleviated a bit.  I kept telling myself that I had to keep doing this, no matter what.  I did get tears in my eyes, but I didn’t want anyone to see me crying, so I told myself to stop.  I wasn’t crying because of pain, but because I was so discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed.  I mean, I hadn’t broken a sweat, I wasn’t out of breath, and I know that my body can do more.  If only my feet would cooperate.

I finally made it to the 2-mile turnaround point and this time I was the last person.  Luciana had passed me when I was loosening my laces, and I coudn’t catch up to her.  Everyone cheered for me, but again, I just felt so embarrassed to be the last person.  I tried to tell myself that this was my first day, and that I can only get better from here.  I also didn’t want to seem like I was feeling sorry for myself, so I told myself to toughen up and get through it.

The walk back was beautiful.  My feet were still numb, but it was almost as if I was in a zen-like state.  I wasn’t thinking about how strange it felt to not be able to feel my feet, I was just looking at the scenery and taking in the fact that I live in such a beautiful place.  I also thought about all of the donations I’ve already gotten.  I don’t want to disappoint any of the people who have been so generous, and I think that those contributions are going to be what help me stay motivated.

At about 3.5 miles, my numbness miraculously went away.  I could feel my feet again, and I was able to pick up the pace a bit more.  I had been walking a bit more slowly than I wanted to while I was experiencing the numbness because I was so worried about tripping and falling.  It felt good to be able to go a bit faster.  Although I think my sock on my left foot somehow got bunched up, because I could feel a bit of a blister forming on the ball of my foot.  Nothing too serious, and not enough to keep me from continuing on.

As I got to the “finish line,” everyone cheered, and I felt truly proud of myself.  I wasn’t the last one – a couple of other people were behind me.  I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does.  I don’t care how long it takes me, I just don’t want to end up being the last one to finish.

All in all, it was a good walk.  The numbness was frustrating and a little bit scary, but now that I know to loosen my laces, I’m hoping it won’t happen again.  It took me about an hour and half to do 4 miles, which isn’t too bad.  I know that my pace will increase as I keep practicing.  That’s one of the main things I want to do this week – walk on my own – so that my body starts building endurance.

I’m really proud of myself for all that I accomplished and can’t wait to see the improvements I know are going to happen as I continue on this journey.
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