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Posts Tagged ‘reflections’

Today as I was avoiding grading those last few essays (you know when you see two posts from me in one day that I’m probably procrastinating on something), I was on Twitter, and two thoughts struck me.

I looked in the mirror today, and really didn’t like the body being reflected back to me. I finally “see” myself.”

and

I have a new-found conviction, desire, drive – call it what you want – to do everything I need to to see a healthier, happier body next time.”

If I weren’t sick, I would’ve started exercising right then and there, that’s how motivated I’m feeling right now.  Because lately it’s really hit me – I’m the only thing standing in my way.  I have a goal, set forth by my surgeon, to lose 30 pounds so that I can have the lap band surgery.  And it’s totally within my control to meet that goal.

I’ve been getting signs from all angles that it’s well past time to get on with it and lose the weight.

  1. My feet have been swelling to a cartoonish degree, causing me real discomfort.  I have no idea why, but it all started when I moved and was on my feet for hours on end, moving heavy boxes for many days in a row.  It really hasn’t gone away since, except for the one day that I wore sneakers to school.  The point is, my poor feet can’t handle carrying around all this weight, day in and day out.
  2. Shopping has become a joke.  My little trip to Macy’s with my mom last weekend proved fruitless.  Even the 3x’s were snug on me, and not in a good way.  I never used to have back fat, or a stomach, and now I do.  We won’t even talk about my butt, hips, and thighs.  The reason nothing looks good on me anymore is that it’s time to get myself back to a more normal weight.
  3. I’m unhappy with the body reflected in the mirror.  I haven’t been happy with my reflection for many, many years, but could usually pick out one aspect of my body that looked alright.  Lately I can’t even find that. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, and that’s the worst feeling.

Which is not to say that I’m depressed, because I’m not.  I’m going to use these moments of frustration to fuel my determination.  The next time I think about eating a portion that’s larger than it should be, I’m going to look down at my feet.  The next time I try to convince myself that it’s ok to skip a session at the gym, I’m going to try on those tops.  And the next time I entertain the thought of stopping for “something quick” rather than cooking for myself, I’m going to look in the mirror and take stock of what I see.

I’m finally fed up enough with the way I look and feel that I know I’m in the right mental place to do something about it.  I feel as strongly about this as I did about quitting smoking.  And I’m going to use that success to remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.

For today, that means finishing these essays and getting on with my Sunday.
For tomorrow, that means getting on the Wii, even if I don’t feel 100% better, because I have to start somewhere.
For Tuesday, it means getting back into the pool for a water aerobics class.
For Wednesday, it means water aerobics again.
For Thursday, it means taking Lulu on an extra-long walk.
For Friday, it means getting on the elliptical machine and doing a 5K, however long it takes.
For Saturday, it means cleaning the entire house, emptying every single remaining box, organizing the closets, the bookshelf, and the garage.
For Sunday, it means going to SharQui, the bellydancing class at 24 Hour Fitness.

For this blog, it I’m going to write a post each day this week with my progress  towards these daily goals, at the least.

For you, it means in order to hold me accountable, please feel free to  comment or msg me via twitter and check in on me.

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