Posts Tagged ‘willpower’

My birthday is July 2nd, and what better gift could I give to myself that to reach this goal that’s nearing two years in the making? So from now until then, I’ll be giving Sunday updates/weekend wrap-ups on my progress called Birthday Gift Goal Updates.

Week 4 was a struggle for me, I’m not going to lie. I had a ton of responsibilities this past week for work, which really took my time away from exercising. I know that I probably could have found the time, but all I felt was (self-imposed) pressure, and when I feel like that, I can’t see past just getting the job at hand done. Not to mention a complication with my car which sent me to the dealership, but what’s a few more hours wasted, right? Poor Sofi was lucky that we went on any walks at all. 😦

My food was pretty decent all week – I stayed within my 1400 calorie range all week, but I wasn’t really inspired by what I was eating. Lots of leftovers, fewer fresh veggies. It was the week before I get paid (I only get paid once a month), which is usually the week that I open the freezer and pantry and have whatever I can find that looks healthy. I don’t have any junk food in the house, but this week wasn’t my best ever, to say the least.

Which all adds up to the fact that I only lost 1 lb this week. My total loss is 6 lbs overall from my starting point, which means:

And I know that a loss is a loss, and I didn’t do anything to warrant a higher number, but it’s still disappointing that I let an opportunity to lose more weight slip by. I did a good job of maintaining, which is an improvement from my recent pattern of overeating due to stress. So progress is happening. Part of the stress I felt this week could have been avoided if I had done the grading in small increments each day. But I let myself have too many off days, and then got stuck in a situation where I HAD to get the papers back to the students by the date I’d promised they’d have them.

The good news was that with all that work I did over the week, I had the weekend to myself.  So yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning the house top to bottom.  Everything from mopping every floor of the house to changing the sheets on the bed, dusting the entire house, and cleaning both bathrooms.  Plus laundry.  I was tired when I was through, but that great kind of tired that comes from a  job well done.  Plus, I had a sparkling clean house to wake up to this morning.

Today I did more laundry (I swear, for one person I sure do have a lot of loads!) and then got ready to meet a friend for a nice walk and chat along a great trail near my house.  I even brought Sofi along.

It was a beautiful day here today, but it was hotter out than I had anticipated, and after we’d been walking for about 45 minutes, poor Sofi just plopped down in any shady spot she could find, was breathing so hard, and looked so uncomfortable.  I decided to walk her down to the pond area so she could wet her feet, and well, here’s what happened next!


Forget my feet, I'm going to plunk my whole body down in this nice cold, algae-filled pond.


Awww, relief. Hey, maybe I can go a little deeper....


One of my friends who saw this on on FB said that Sofi looks like a merdog in this one. It was definitely the money shot.

Good thing it was bath night tonight!  I made sure to give her a fairly cool bath when we got home, and she didn’t seem to mind the bath as much.  Poor little thing.  But she (and I) had fun out there with my friend.  We’ll just have to make sure to go a bit earlier in the day next time.

And I’ve spent the rest of the evening cooking a great dinner, preparing my lunches, and basically getting ready for tomorrow.



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My birthday is July 2nd, and what better gift could I give to myself that to reach this goal that’s nearing two years in the making? So from now until then, I’ll be giving Sunday updates/weekend wrap-ups on my progress called Birthday Gift Goal Updates.

Week 3 had a bit of everything – pre-planned meals, a ridiculously hectic schedule, a complete change of routine, great food choices, and the RETURN OF WILLPOWER.  That last bit is the most exciting.  Well, actually, if I’m honest, I’m most excited about my weight loss.  I lost 6.5 lbs this week!! My overall loss is 5 lbs because I was up last week.  But either way, I’m on my way:

The week itself was really busy at work for me, and because of that I really didn’t get to exercise the way I would’ve liked to.   Which actually makes the weight loss that much more astounding.  The one good thing about this crazy schedule was that I was able to change my afternoon routine, which helped me in my food choices. But I really like the way I feel better when I get some in some good workouts.  So, that’s something that I’m going to improve on this week – hitting the gym, going to classes, and doing some workout DVDs.

I ate really well all week, and I enjoyed everything to the fullest.  If you’d like to take a peek, you can become my friend on MyFitnessPal.  I also upped my calories from 1200 to 1400, and most days I stayed closer to 1300.  That small increase made a big difference in feeling more satisfied.  I’m happy to say that I didn’t have any episodes of overeating at all.  AT ALL. Which is especially wonderful because there were times of great stress, which is usually a trigger.

This past week was also my first week taking a prescription weight loss medication since Thursday. I don’t attribute all of my weight loss just to the diet pills, though.  I was losing at a great rate earlier in the week.  But I do think that the prescription is helping me with willpower. I’m also very happy to report that other than a bit of dry mouth (which just helps me drink more water), I have not had any side effects.  In fact, rather than making me feel anxious, I feel calmer.  And instead of giving me insomnia, I wake up feeling more rested than I have in a long time.  I’m not saying that it’s a miracle drug, by any means, but I am thankful that it’s working, and that I had a good week. Here’s to another one next week.

I was also really lax in blogging this past week (because of the hectic schedule), and I want to make sure to get more writing time.  It helps me feel centered and connected.

As far as a weekend update, I don’t have much to report.  It was HOT here, and I stayed inside in the AC and got lots of much-needed grading done.  I got some walks and gardening in, and I got all my grocery shopping done for the week.  Prepared and ready for the week.  I’m looking forward to being out and about more next weekend, because it’s overdue.

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I saw this on Alyssa’s blog and I just knew I had to steal it.  It encapsulates so many different things that I’ve been going through:

  • Frustration over slow (or no) weight loss.
  • Feelings of failure around the fact that I’m STILL not where I want to (or should) be.
  • Lack of willpower when it comes to food.
  • Trying this thing and that thing, all resulting in the same thing – nothing. 

But it also speaks to the main thing that I needed to read today – just RELAX and realize that I will succeed, eventually.  But only if I truly believe in myself.

It came out again last night when I was with my family and my mom asked me why I thought it had taken me so long.  She didn’t mean it in a mean way, she was sincerely trying to understand.  But tears rushed to my eyes, and I said in a very small voice, “because somewhere deep inside, I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to do this.”  (I get teary-eyed now as I type that sentence).  I explained that consciously I have a lot of confidence in myself.  I’m proud of myself for my perseverance, my positive attitude, and my ability to never give up.  But subconsciously there’s that voice in my head (that evil bitch, Fat Girl) that tells me I’ll never really get what I want most.  I even mentioned that as thrilled and excited and happy as I am for my friends who have (and are) losing weight, I am also really envious of them, too.  I mean, naturally, right?  But then again, they worked for what they got, and I need to do that too.  The evening was cathartic, but emotionally draining.

And really, for the past several days I’ve been feeling lousy, mentally and physically.  I took a couple days off of work, and it helped.  One thing that’s become abundantly clear to me is that I need a support group to air out a lot of the feelings and emotional issues I have around food.  Don’t get me wrong, you guys, my friends, and my family are all great support systems, but I need the paradox of camaraderie and anonymity that comes with a support group.  People that don’t know all about me yet can share my struggle.  A place to talk about the issues that are coming up and maybe get some advice as to how to deal with them.  And maybe a bit of education, too.  I know more than I ever need to about food and nutrition, but I could definitely use some skills around coping with stress.  It’s getting so bad that I’m getting persistent headaches, stomach problems, and my face is breaking out.

So I decided to look into what Kaiser could offer.  In Southern California, Kaiser requires WLS patients to enroll in an Options class, which is a weekly 12-week class that meets for two hours each time.  Education about nutrition, emotional eating, preparation for WLS, and support.  The thinking is that by the end of the class, the participants have everything they need to lose the required weight.  In fact, many of them finish the series and have lost the required weight.  Sounds fantastic, right?  I know!  The problem?  They don’t offer it here in Northern California.

But I didn’t let that stop me.  Because if there’s one thing you can say about Kaiser it’s that they are excellent about the education classes/support groups that they offer.  And I knew there had to be something available to me.

The first thing is obvious – there’s a bariatric support group meeting once a month in my area.  In fact, it meets at two different locations, two different times of the month, so it’s really available twice a month.  I went to one group and felt like they spent all the time talking about food (just like in many WW meetings), and I didn’t find it helpful.  Plus, most of the attendees were post-op, so there wasn’t as much for a pre-op person like me to glean.  But then again, I’m sure that if nothing else, it will keep me on my game and recharge my commitment. And I shouldn’t judge it based on only going to one meeting.

Then I also found out that Kaiser offers a Healthy Weight Program which “is designed to help you adopt healthier lifestyle habits. Share ideas, discuss challenges, and get support from others. Discussion topics include physical activity, nutrition, and stress management.”  It’s a weekly series that runs for 10 weeks, each session lasting two hours long, and the fee is $75 ($7.50/week).  The education staffer I spoke with said that they even provide a diet coach who works with each participant personally.  The program isn’t just for people who are having WLS, in fact, I’m guessing that many of them are just people who want to lose weight, or have to lose weight for some sort of surgery, etc.  In any case, I think it will be a great step for me.  There’s a pre-class to explain more about what the Healthy Weight Program entails, which I’m enrolled in for March 28th. The classes begin on April 18th through June 20th.  It’s going to be my goal that by the end of those classes, I’ve met my weigh loss requirement.

But I’m not going to wait for April 18th to get started.  I’m continuing on the path that I’ve started.  Going back to where it all began in August 2010:

  1. Following Kaiser’s 1200 calorie/day meal plan.  Protein first, healthy carbs, whole grains, and lots of water.
  2. Exercising.  30 minutes every single day, and 60 minutes of more intense activity 4 times a week, minimum.  450 minutes/week.
  3. Taking my vitamins. I’ve gotten way off track with this.
  4. Tracking my food in MyFitnessPal. I’ve tracked for over 90 days: good, bad, and ugly, which I’m really proud of.
  5. Blogging at least 4 times a week to connect, support, and encourage.

Chill, Bella, you GOT this!

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