Bella 1, InnerFatGirl 0 (mostly)

As you may have guessed from today’s earlier post, I was feeling quite trepidatious about going to the pool by myself.  I was worried that there would be a pool full of people, or worse still, a bunch of people lounging poolside, ready and able to oogle my fat self in a bathing suit.

In order to retain as much dignity as possible, I decided to don a strange get-up for the pool.

Does the shaky picture give away my nerves? 😛

Yes, those are my red, capri yoga-ish pants underneath my full-skirted swimsuit.  I had never thought of putting the skirt on the outside of the pants before, but it worked.  And I have to say, it didn’t look too crazy.  It sort of seemed like I had on a long tunic-length top, well sort of.

I drove up to the pool and low and behold, my fears were warrant-less: There was (almost) no one there! There was one girl, who was sitting in the shade reading a magazine, but she seemed friendly, and (I hoped) non-judgmental.

After finding a nice spot in the sun, I got in the pool and started to swim laps.  It was a great thing!  I felt so free and so happy; all my fears were put to the side, and I just enjoyed the moment.  My form sucks, but I can keep myself afloat, which is the most important thing.  I think all in all, I did about 17-20 laps.  I started counting, but lost count after a while.

After I was getting a bit winded from all of the laps (with a bit of power doggy-paddling thrown in for good measure), I got out and started sunning myself poolside, with a magazine and some tunes in my iPod.

I felt so good!  It didn’t seem that warm anymore, after getting out of the pool.  I read and listened to some music and let the rest of the world sink away.

That is, until two perfect-bodied 20-somethings came through the pool gate, and the InnerFatGirl thought that I must look like a beached whale laying there.  She decided to take this picture:

Ugh, fat, white legs looking worse because the fat is spread out as I lay there.  “Well, so what InnerFatGirl,” I said, “this is considered a before shot, and now I’m going to get back in the pool and do some more laps, just to burn a few more calories” (mentally sticks tongue out at InnerFatGirl).

I’ve discovered that nothing motivates me like the image of my thunder thighs in a bathing suit!

I’m not being self-deprecating.  Well, ok, I AM, but I’m not feeling sorry for myself.  (Well, maybe a little).  The thing is, today at the pool was a positive experience overall.  I had to get out of my own head (and shut InnerFatGirl up!) and just do it.  I know no one probably gave me much of a second look.  Sure, they may have thought to themselves, “wow, that girl needs to lose some weight,” but they also probably thought, “good for her for swimming laps and getting some exercise.”  Regardless, I’m not really worried about them and what they think.  Ok, so I did leave once the pool started filling up with little kids and their moms, but that was more about not being able to swim laps and relax in peace and quiet than anything else.

I felt so good today in the water, so carefree, that from now on, I’m going to put all of the negative thoughts out of my head (or at least relegate them to a small corner of my mind) and simply enjoy myself at the pool.

Oh, and for those of you wondering, here’s a rare picture of me in a bathing suit.  Usually I would never allow this kind of evidence to be documented, but I think it’s for the greater good.  This will now be known as the “Before” picture:

"Before shot" 6.28.09

I’m going back out to the pool tomorrow.  So there, InnerFatGirl!!